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TheGirlandTheRobotLogoPart2

The Girl and The Robot Part 2 is a story by Exotoro as a sequel to The Girl and The Robot. As Samus and R.O.B take the next steps in their relationship, Samus goes an unexpected mission to Missingno Island that goes longer than expected and R.O.B plays matchmaker with a mystery couple.

Chapter 1: Yeah

“Yeah.” said Samus.

“Yeah, what?” asked R.O.B, sitting in the chair next to her. They were out on the Smash Mansion lawn deck at the last summer party.

“Sorry, just… I don’t even know why I said that actually. I was spacing out and I guess I was thinking about something but I’ve just utterly forgotten what it was.” explained Samus.

“Can’t say I’ve ever done that.” said R.O.B.

“Do what exactly?” asked Samus.

“Forget.” responded R.O.B.

“Right, I guess that’s pretty normal for a robot.” said Samus.

“Sometimes things get pushed into the back of my mind but all my memories are there; the bad ones, the good ones…” said R.O.B. “I wouldn’t part with them but I wouldn’t know if I had.”

“You remember the first date we had right?” asked Samus. “That was like… fuck, I don’t even know how long ago that was.”

“I remember everything before and after that.” said R.O.B.

“God, you must really hate me then.” said Samus, with a smirk.

“You’ve had your share of mistakes but I’ve been able to forgive them. Not forget them, but I can’t fault you. You are human after all.” said R.O.B.

“What about you? Do you make mistakes?” asked Samus.

“I don’t like to think I do. That would be human, and no matter what body I’m in… that’s not who I am.” said R.O.B.

“Would you prefer it if I was a robot then?” Samus asked.

“No. Don’t change anything about yourself to try and please me. I’m just saying, there is a difference. I can be misguided but I don’t error, at least in this game of life.” said R.O.B.

“Do you still think there are people who think we’re weird?” asked Samus. “With this whole thing?”

“Well yeah. That’s human too. To judge what cannot be understood.” said R.O.B.

“Jeez, you got a real sadistic view of the human race. How do you even stand me?” asked Samus.

“I accept it. Every error by mankind has an understandable root to it. With a machine, the error comes from within.” said R.O.B.

“No robot wouldn’t do what they’re asked to do, then.” said Samus.

“Yeah.” stated R.O.B.

“So what were you asked to do?” asked Samus.

“Live a fulfilling life,” stated R.O.B. “Doing pretty well on that front I suppose?”

Samus laughed and kissed him.


Samus shut the door behind her as she kicked off her sandals, accidentally slamming her foot into the wall.

"Fuck..." she said as her face grimaced in pain. R.O.B moved over to her only for her to shoo him away with her hand. "I'm fine... fuck. Jeez." She shut her eyes for a second and breathed to take a second and then just sat down on the couch.

R.O.B disappeared somewhere else as Samus took a second to breathe. She would probably need to change out soon. Was this what R.O.B was talking about? To error as a human?

R.O.B walked out in his bald face human form and sat next to Samus on the couch. She looked at him and then looked down at the carpet. "R.O.B... I think I've talked about this before but... I dunno. I feel more detached to you in your human form than your robot form, you know?"

R.O.B's sunglasses hid his eyes but Samus could tell he didn't like what he was hearing. "What do you want then?" he asked, placing his hands over his head. Samus sighed. She wasn't exactly up for this conversation, but it was a gripe she had often enough.

"I dunno... you know how in that film that Disney made about Beauty and the Beast?" she said. "Not implying you're ugly or anything but... I fell in love with your robot form, not this." she said, pointing to his human form.

R.O.B sighed. "The creators claimed that regardless of what he looked like, they felt the majority of those who watched the film would likely end up not liking his human appearance, simply because he no longer felt like the character whom the viewers bonded with through the film." Samus slanted her lips to the right and then to the left.

"You looked that shit up, right?" asked Samus. "I dunno what I want any more, I guess that's my issue. It's eight pm. Fuck... I dunno. I'm just gonna go to bed after I take a quick shower."

R.O.B sighed as she got up.


After the shower, she took a quick test with a a white piece of plastic that was known as a pregnancy test. One stripe. She knew the result before it even began, but for whatever reason she always took it. She wasn't sure why... it was a fucking robot, it was not going to bear her any child.

She laid on the bed, her eyes awake. What did she want?

She didn't know. She had everything as far as she cared. A good boyfriend, some good friends that could actually give her relationship advice, she didn't need to worry about money or living conditions...

It's bizarrely boring to be a person that has it all.

Chapter 2: The Snowflakes

Six months passed. Nothing really changed. They still had sex pretty often, they were still clearly in love although it waned and waxed from time to time. Palutena and Lucina got married. Wii Fit Trainer was still hitting on her despite the fact everyone knew by now that Samus and R.O.B were dating and he often got chastised by anyone who noticed.

And she was still feeling really empty and hallow about the whole thing. She had it way better than the people who didn't return to the Smash Mansion, she was sure about that. She wasn't sure what the deal was with the people who didn't return but it wasn't a huge concern for her.

It was winter and that meant chilly weather, which she wasn't fond of. This week their heater was broke so that meant it was cold even inside the rooms. Apparently they were trying to get it fixed but who knows how that's going.

Samus sat at the kitchen counter and sipped some hot chocolate. R.O.B was doing some cleaning. She suddenly had a thought but put it away. There was no point in saying it.

Samus put her hands to her head. Okay, maybe she had a point in saying it? She had wrestled with this thought for months. "R.O.B..." she said, closing her eyes to avoid reality for a second. "Can we talk for a minute?" R.O.B rotated to face her as he moved over to the kitchen counter.

"Yeah?" asked R.O.B. Samus glanced to the left and right and then looked at R.O.B in his motorized eyes, twisting and turning to get focus.

"You ever thought about asking your dad about..." she paused. Fuck, this was stupid as shit. Why couldn't she be happy with how things were? She pressed forward anyway because she struggled long enough with this to the point where it became a distraction every time she saw him. "Ok, this is gonna sound really stupid but have you ever asked your dad about putting some... equipment down there?" she asked.

"Samus, my human body has 'equipment' down there..." said R.O.B. Samus shook her head.

"No I mean... on the robot body. I dunno what the fuck I'm talking about. Look... I dunno." Samus said.

R.O.B was apparently kind of annoyed. "You keep vaguely hinting at something and then just keep brushing it off with 'I dunno'... just say what you want to say. I'm not gonna be mad."

Samus took a deep breath. "Okay... look. I've had more or less this fantasy about having sex with your robot form. I dunno how it would work. I just have these fantasies and it frustrates me I guess... that you haven't done anything about it? I know... it's stupid as shit."

"You want me to have a robot dick?" asked R.O.B. Samus looked at R.O.B.

"Well... sometimes it's a robot dick." said Samus. R.O.B didn't have any reaction on his face that she could read.

"...what do you mean sometimes..." said R.O.B. Samus threw her hands up in the air.

"This is embarrassing isn't it? I wanna fuck a robot but I don't feel like I'm fucking a robot so..." said Samus.

"I mean... I'm flattered but I dunno how it would work really..." said R.O.B. Samus buried her head in her hands, stressing out about it. R.O.B set one of his robot limbs on her shoulder. "Look, I'll ask my dad. I mean, robots don't really feel shame unless they want to so asking won't be the hard part... I just... I dunno. I kind of knew about this but for whatever reason I didn't think it tore you up this bad."

"God, I dunno. I've been just feeling empty and hallow lately and I dunno if that's the cause or not but I feel like it's been on my mind so much lately. Nobody asks a robot to fuck them as a robot, nobody does that shit..." said Samus. "I don't know anyone else who even fucks robots! Am I just that fucked up?"

"You're not fucked up." R.O.B answered, his limb still on her shoulder. Samus glanced at him.

"Then what am I? I don't even know what I'm supposed to be any more," said Samus, her head falling back. "I'm not a robot like you... robots stay the same, don't they? Programmed to do what they do?"

"Typically." said R.O.B.

Samus sat straight. "Typically?"

"Some... evolve I suppose. I dunno if I was programmed to love you or not but I have the feeling I wasn't. Yet... we're here. Some... become human I suppose. Nobody knows why it happens. It's speculated that it's due to the brain patterns being written for the body swap thing but I think I fell for you before that." R.O.B explained. Samus blushed a bit and then felt stupid for doing so.

"What do you mean think?" asked Samus. "...aren't you a robot? Don't you remember everything?"

"Well... gotta clear out my data from time to time. Back it up somewhere. Maybe I'll find it somewhere if I look though it sometime." said R.O.B.

Samus glanced out the big window where she saw the snowflakes fall.

"Fuck... it's snowing." she groaned.

"You used to be really excited about that." R.O.B pointed out.

"Well... things change for us humans." said Samus.

R.O.B simply glanced out the window as Samus finished up her hot chocolate, which had gone lukewarm at this point.

Chapter 3: Cold

“Sorry about being so cold earlier,” she said, sitting next to R.O.B, who was laid back on the couch. “I… haven’t exactly been happy lately. It has nothing to do with you,” she sighed deeply and closed her eyes. “I wish I could take back some of the things I said.”

“I don’t think you were honestly that rude.” said R.O.B, his mechanical head turning towards Samus. She smiled at him.

“I dunno what’s wrong with me, I just feel boring and I don’t know how to fix it- everything still feels really confusing to me and… I’m just at a loss where to go.” Samus stated. R.O.B jumped off the couch.

“You know what? Let’s just go on a walk.” stated R.O.B. Samus laid further back into the couch.

“Do we have to? It’s snowing.” she stated, evident she was not in the mood.

“Come on, it’s a lot easier to think when you’re moving. Besides, you don’t need to worry about the cold or anything.” said R.O.B.

“Ugh… fine.” said Samus, getting up and putting a coat over her Zero Suit. She walked out the apartment door and made her way over to the elevator, R.O.B tagging close behind. She opened it to find Peach waiting inside, in a ski suit that hugged more of her figure than they expected.

“You guys going skiing?” asked Peach.

“No… just on a walk.” said Samus. Peach glanced over to R.O.B.

“So… you guys are a thing.” said Peach. Samus rolled her eyes, about to launch into fury if she started talking shit.

“Yeah…” Samus said nonchalantly as she could. “We have been for a while…”

“Well… I don’t really follow what’s going on, honestly. Oh and I have such a terrible memory…” she whined.

“Well, we’re stopping now.” said Samus as the elevator doors opened. She and R.O.B walked out to get away from Peach who waved to them as they went. They came out of the automatic doors of the Smash Mansion and walked on the cobble mansion ground, making their way to the walking trail.

“Well… you must have something to say if you wanted us to walk.” said Samus. She wasn’t actually sure, but she couldn’t imagine it being much else.

“I’m not doing it anytime soon but… have you thought about marriage?” asked R.O.B. Samus seemed pretty taken back with the question, her head knocking back.

“I have not thought about that.” she stated plainly. Truth was, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to be married. even if it was with R.O.B who had been the longest relationship she had so far. It felt too formal for her, too… normal she supposed.

“Well… I mean I’ve thought about it a little but I haven't bought anything for engagement or any plans like that. I suppose you’re not interested in the idea…?” asked R.O.B. Samus nodded yes, not wanting to hurt R.O.B.

“I mean… just… I dunno. It’s the longest relationship I’ve ever had but I don’t feel like putting a ring on it because it just ties you down with so much and…” she stopped to take a moment. “...I don’t know if I want to do that.”

“Understandable.” said R.O.B. His eyes petered down and then went back up.

“Just… not right now, okay?” asked Samus. She sighed deeply, stressing out. R.O.B glanced at her.

“You okay?” he asked. She took another breath, stressing.

“Yeah.” she simply stated. She glanced behind her at the Smash Mansion, heading farther and farther away from it.

Chapter 4: The Assignment

The door knocked on Samus’ door. She blinked like five times, irritated by the door’s awful sounds. She grabbed a bathrobe to cover her naked body and turned on some lights so she could see. She opened up the door to see Master Hand.

“The hell do you want?” she asked. She was an utter mess. Master Hand handed her a little envelope to her hands.

“You have an assignment.” he said. She snatched the envelope and scowled as she pulled out the paper.

“Why the hell would you just not tell me-” she said, rolling her eyes. She turned on the light in the room to read. She read over the letter.

“Samus Aran is to head to Missingno Island on the seventeenth of January to fix the power. The residents there are without power and in this awful weather…”

“Why the hell am I fixing the power?” asked Samus Aran. “Isn’t Mario a plumber or something? Get him to do it…” she threw the letter onto the counter. Master Hand grabbed her by the collar of the bathrobe and pulled her back. She crossed her arms. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Yeah, sure. You know you should be kicked out of the Smash Mansion for what you did not too long ago…” said Master Hand. “Little stunt at the house…”

She scowled again. “That was R.O.B, I was only standing up to you about it. You want me to do it again?” Master Hand sighed.

“Yeah, I know. Missingno Island has a couple of… problems on it but still, it’s a simple job.” Samus leaned against the wall.

“I’m not doing shit.” she said, crossing her arms. “You think I’m going to an island with… him on it?”

Master Hand’s fingers moved wildly in frustration. “Look… what do you want from me? I’m just asking you to take the assignment. They asked for you, I don’t know why, but someone has to do it. Why are you being such a jerk about it?”

Samus scowled again. “What, not doing a job I don’t want to do is considered a dick move now?” She walked over to the coffee maker and placed the glass pot under it. “I don’t… want to see him again.”

“You don’t have to. It’s hard to bargain with you, you know? You’re a Smasher, you have infinite money, you pretty much have everything you want…” Master Hand stated. “I try to make you people happy and yet when I ask you guys to do something you all act like brats about it…” Brown liquid poured into the glass pot.

“Yes… your job is very hard. My job is very hard too,” she stated as the liquid stopped pouring. She grabbed the pot and poured into a mug with the Smash logo on it. She took a sip and then looked at Master Hand. “I’m not very happy, I’ll admit it.”

“What can I do then?” she paused. “If you’re not happy even with everything at the world in your fingers, then… what can I do?” he asked. “You have it better than anyone else out there. Those Playstation All Star jokers are still looking for jobs… you have a nice boyfriend… I don’t get it, what are you all upset about in that case?”

She took a deep breath. “Maybe it’s a lack of purpose. Does the next Metroid game even have me in it? I don’t fucking know. Other M was a disaster…” she sipped more coffee. “...is anyone even happy here? Mario and Peach divorced like… god knows how long now, well, I guess Palutena and Lucina are pretty happy right now but-”

“Look, can you just do this?” Master Hand asked. Samus put down the mug.

“Fine.” she said, throwing her hands up in the air. Master Hand closed the door as Samus sighed heavily, hating that she gave up so easily about it. R.O.B sauntered into the room, his head whirring as she sat the table alone. He plunked himself onto the seat.

“What’s up.” she sighed, putting her head onto the table.

“You okay?” he asked.

“No! This shit’s happening again. I have an assignment to go to Missingno Island,” she banged her head onto the table. R.O.B’s head shook in confusion. “Sorry, just… ugh. I’m supposed to be better than this.”

“Look… it’s like a couple of days over there at most,” R.O.B said. “It’s not like that time I got a job.”

“Can I even handle a couple days without you? I feel so weak saying that but I… I’m not sure where I’m supposed to go or what I’m supposed to do now. They certainly haven’t given me a ton of work lately.” she said.

“You can do it.” R.O.B said.

Samus glanced over to R.O.B. “Who’s gonna tell me that when I’m over in a shitty little apartment on Missingno Island?”

“I wouldn’t say it if I knew you could.” R.O.B said. Samus dimly grinned as the sun came up.

“Thanks.” she finished the coffee up.


Samus finished her work out and headed to leave when she saw a really weird sight. A girl behind the counter. She looked kind of like Wii Fit Trainer but… nah… that couldn’t be it.

“Who are you?” she asked.

“Wii Fit Trainer.” said the girl.

Samus almost laughed. “No you’re not… where is he?” she glanced around, expecting to see him, but he wasn’t around.

“Well… we’re both Wii Fit Trainer. He’s sick today so he told me I could take over the register today.” Samus still looked confused.

“How come I’ve never seen you until now?” she asked. Wii Fit Trainer shrugged.

“I teach the yoga classes.” Wii Fit Trainer said.

“That doesn’t make any goddamn sense. I do yoga here every day… wait, classes?” asked Samus. “There are classes?” Wii Fit Trainer nodded. Samus was taken aback a bit. “Since when?”

“Since… ever?” replied Wii Fit Trainer. Samus still was confused. “We meet over there.” she said, pointing to the right side of the gym, next to the flexing Wii Fit balance board.

“Huh, okay,” said Samus, still scratching her head. “Well, I can’t call both of you Wii Fit Trainer…”

“I guess you can’t, huh,” Wii Fit Trainer said. “Well… our real names are Rachel and David but… don’t tell anyone.”

“Rachel?” repeated Samus.

“Yes…?” asked Rachel.

“Nothing. See you around then, Rachel.” Samus said, heading for the door.

“Haha, doubt that. David doesn’t like me behind the counter.” said Rachel.

Samus rolled her eyes. David, what a sexist scumbag.


Samus started packing stuff for the trip. She wasn’t sure how long it would be, considering that this shit usually had a couple of subquests associated with it. She thought about asking SA-X for the power suit but it seemed a little unfair to them. They practically lived in the thing now.

“So… uh… did you ask for the equipment?” she asked R.O.B as he handed her a second coat. R.O.B gave a mechanical sigh.

“No… fuck, I’m sorry. I just… it’s a hard question to ask,” he said. “He… doesn’t know about anything.”

“What do you mean by anything?” asked Samus, packing the coats in after folding them.

“He doesn’t know we’re having sex.” said R.O.B. Samus looked confused.

“How would he not know…?” asked Samus. “Didn’t you get that whole body custom built or something?”

“He just had it laying around, I kind of lied about having it custom built.” he said. He shrugged.

“Robots can’t lie…” said Samus, thinking about their talks earlier.

“Well, I’m not exactly just a robot am I?” asked R.O.B. “My data patterns have been going from the human body and back, into a functioning brain... “

Samus zipped up the suitcase. “Well… a nice surprise would be getting that equipment ready when I come home, huh…” she said with a sultry tone.

“Yeah I suppose it would be.” plainly said R.O.B. Samus laughed.

“You mood killer…” she said, kissing him on the top of his head. “Gonna miss you when I go.” They hugged.

Chapter 5: The Island

It was a short plane ride. Samus got out of the small red plane and stepped out onto the grassy area. This little grassy area was a bit odd because it was right next to a volcano and everything else on the island was covered in white thick snow. She tucked her hands into her coat pockets, draped over her Zero Suit, and walked over a patch of daisies.

She made footing with the snow soon after. She walked over to what seemed like a little cabin village, the rough path littered with black rock and little pebbles. Little flakes of grass sparked out of the ground and Samus soon found herself on paved ground. The village was pretty tiny, with only a couple of cabins and buildings. In the center of the town was a cobbled together generator.

Samus dropped her knees and inspected the lower section of the generator. A bunch of small flashing dots speckled across the lower section, with red and green colors faintly lit up. Samus sighed. Alright, where was the power grid or whatever that needed to be fixed? She walked around the generator before finding a bunch of steps that led downwards.

Samus curiously followed the steps down into a dimly lit area with a bunch of circuit boards that seemed confusing to even look at, let alone tamper with. She took a look at the circuit boards and noticed a couple of downwards switches and just flipped them up. She couldn’t possibly do any more damage, right? The lights in the dim room flickered on and hummed. She ran up the steps and saw that the lights were all green. She put her hands on her hips and headed out, only to see that the plane was gone.

“Where… the hell is the plane?” she asked herself out loud. She noticed two small kids hiding behind a rock and looked straight at them. “I can see you.” she said in a deadpan way. The two came out of hiding.

“Ice Climbers?” she asked out loud, recognizing their pink and blue parkas anywhere. “That’s where you guys have been? What are you doing here?” she asked. She hadn’t seen them since the release of Brawl. The Ice Climbers took their hoods off and solemnly looked at her.

“We’re not really sure. Master Hand said something about budget or limitations or something… I mean at least we’re here, we’re kind of comfortable here…” said Popo. Samus nodded.

“Well, did you see a red plane take off or something?” asked Samus, glancing at the place where the red plane was. The two looked confused.

“You didn’t get kicked out?” asked Nana. Samus looked perplexed. Wouldn’t be out of character for Master Hand to trick her, right? Samus shook her head no.

“I just came here to fix the power, I did that…” she glanced at the two. “...am I stuck here?”

“Maybe…” said Popo. He motioned his hand forward. “I might know a guy you can talk to.”

“Oh!” said Samus. “Alright...”


R.O.B figured since Samus was gone, he was gonna have to get his own food if he wanted some. He took the elevator down in his robot form and thought about Samus on the way down. Seemed like a easy mission, she wouldn’t be gone for long, he thought.

Dinner was Fish and Chips, so he loaded a plate with that and headed towards the elevator, but not before noticing someone at a empty bar. R.O.B figured he could talk to them.

Greninja tapped at the surface of the bar table, looking pretty down. R.O.B jumped into a seat next to him. “What up?” asked R.O.B. Greninja stopped tapping at the table and looked at him, stress evident in his eyes. The room filled with silence between the two before Greninja decided to finally break it.

“I dunno man…” Greninja said, before slouching forward on the table. R.O.B tilted his head to the left.

“Well, I mean you clearly know… if you don’t want to tell me, it’s fine, I just want to help out.” R.O.B said to the distraught Pokemon. Greninja sighed.

“Don’t tell anyone,” he made R.O.B promise. “Alright,” he sighed, and then leaped into his next sentence. “You know Sheik?”

“Sheik?” asked R.O.B. “What about him?”

“Her,” cut in Greninja. “She’s a girl.”

“Wait… isn’t Sheik Zelda? I’ve never seen them in the same room…” said R.O.B. Greninja was getting frustrated.

“NO! They’ve been different actors since her debut! In the games they’re the same person but in this reality they aren’t,” explained Greninja. “Sorry, I just wanted to get what I wanted to say.” he quietly added.

“And that is what…?” asked R.O.B, his attention focused now. Greninja glanced around the empty room for a bit, making sure nobody was around.

“I… like her.” he said, his voice getting quieter as it went on. R.O.B seemed pretty surprised.

“Well, when are you gonna tell her that?” asked R.O.B. Greninja went silent. R.O.B realized Greninja didn’t have an answer. “...you have to tell her that.”

“She… wouldn’t go for me. I never told her that but I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t.” replied Greninja.

“Why not?” asked R.O.B.

“Just look at me!” he yelled. “I’m a goddamn frog!”

“I’m a goddamn robot, I figured it out.” said R.O.B. Greninja shrugged.

“I dunno. It might be better to not tell her.” said Greninja. R.O.B shrugged and headed to the elevator with his plate.

“Well, tell me if you decide to do anything about it.” R.O.B said as the elevator shut. Greninja’s face fell against the bar table as he put his webbed fingers over his head. God damn it.

Chapter 6: Ex

Samus followed Popo and Nana up to a wooden tower, covered in frost and bunched up flakes of snow. The air was rather open but the snow was mostly gone now, festering on the roof above their heads. Samus figured if she didn’t have the Zero Suit, this would be pretty cold.

Not too far from the wooden railing on the top of the tower was a set of radio devices and wires, hooked up to devices in a way that would take hours to untangle. Someone sat in a chair facing a group of computer screens, watching blips and beeps visualize on the screen. The sounds of radio reflected in bars and waves. The person must have heard them, because he slowly turned around.

It was Wolf. He seemed somewhat annoyed. “They kicked another Smash Brother out?” he said, his eyes crossed. Samus put her hand up.

“No, no, they didn’t kick me out, I just got stranded here after my pilot took off while I was fixing the power. You’re welcome for that, by the way.” said Samus, sternly but slowly growing softer. She needed to make better first impressions.

“You were the one who fixed the power grid?” asked Wolf. Samus nodded. “Huh, alright. Thanks.” He sat back in his chair.

“Well, I didn’t come up all the way here just to tell you that.” said Samus, crossing her arms. Wolf sighed.

“What do you want?” he asked. “If I could call your pilot and get him back here I would but…” he paused. “Well if I could do that, I wouldn’t exactly be here, now would I.”

“Aren’t you a master pilot yourself? Why don’t you just get out the Starwolf out and just fly me back?” asked Samus. Wolf grumbled.

“That’s situated over at the Smash Mansion somewhere. Anyway, I can’t contact your pilot or fly you out of here, so it’s looking more and more like you’re just stuck here for the time being.” said Wolf. Samus was becoming a little anxious.

“You can’t be serious, right? I… I’m stuck here?” asked Samus. Wolf nodded.

“What else do you want me to tell you?” asked Wolf. “I only deal in absolute truths.”

“Well… what am I supposed to do until then? Is there wifi up here?” she asked, checking her phone and seeing no bars. “Goddamn it.”

“I’m sure you can figure something out.” said Wolf. Samus looked at Wolf.

“Where’s Solid?” she asked plainly. “I don’t wanna see him again so knowing where he is would be extremely helpful-”

“Heyo.” said a familiar voice. A cardboard box she had only assumed was part of the debris on the tower lifted up. She felt stupid, because she should have figured it out by now. Solid Snake walked towards her but she stepped back. He stopped.

“Bad blood, huh.” said Wolf. Samus gave Wolf a stink eye but he didn’t notice, his attention back to the radio waves. Samus headed down the wooden steps, avoiding eye contact or noises from the others.


R.O.B was bored and he was thinking about Greninja and Sheik. Both were ninjas and they seemed to have a bit in common from what little he knew about either. He supposed… well, if neither is gonna make a move for each other, he might as well attempt it himself.

He called up a nice little restaurant and made reservations for three. One for himself to gauge the two, not make it seem like a date, and the other two for the couple themselves. There was a lot of ways this could go wrong but it was worth a shot. If he could find happiness, maybe they did too.

R.O.B plugged himself into the wall, falling asleep as his body charged.


Samus came across the village, still somewhat fuming. She was trapped on this crappy island with all the rejects because of her stupid pilot taking off early. “A little warning would be nice,” she mumbled to herself. “Goddamn it, where the hell am I gonna sleep?” she said, louder to herself.

Popo and Nana crept out from the light post. She wasn’t doing so hot today, huh. She had met them in the past, sure, but in passing. She wasn’t sure if they were adults, kids, teens… she had no idea. She sighed. “I’m fine.”

“Where are you gonna sleep though?” asked the Ice Climbers. Samus tried to pull herself together as she laid across the snowy ground.

“Probably right here, that would be good, yeah?” she asked. The Ice Climbers grimaced and pulled her up. “Alright, I don’t know,” she said, throwing her hands up in frustration. “It’s been a tough day, alright?”

The Ice Climbers walked over to a cabin and motioned her to follow. As they headed inside, there was a room filled with cots and personal items. The Ice Climbers climbed up the stairs to another room filled with cots, although this one had less personal belongings.

“This one belonged to Mewtwo before he left.” they said. Samus sat down on it. It wasn’t comfy but it would have to do.

“Thanks.” she said. She glanced at her phone for the time. It was probably about time to rest and she laid back, hoping things weren’t gonna stay like this for long.

Chapter 7: Cleaning

R.O.B awoke the next morning for breakfast, waiting for Samus to get out of the shower. It took him a while to realize that it wasn’t even running and that her imprint in the bed was all he had at the moment. He sighed and headed down the elevator, already occupying Peach.

“Hi!” she greeted cheerfully but R.O.B just wasn’t in the mood to talk. He hit the lobby button, somewhat weirded out that Peach hadn’t pressed it herself. “You getting breakfast? Me too.” she said. R.O.B turned to face her.

“Peach, what are you doing?” he asked. Peach shrugged.

“I just wanna talk with you guys,” she said, folding her arms. “The divorce was hard enough but seeing him with her…” she said. “That’s one of the toughest things I’ve ever had to endure.”

“Woah, what are we talking about?” asked R.O.B. Peach sighed.

“Mario and Rosalina!” Peach almost shouted. “Sorry… just… it bothers me a lot.” she said. R.O.B’s eyes shifted to the left.

“They’re together?” asked R.O.B. Peach nodded.

“I’m surprised you don’t know considering how long Samus kept that whole secret from us.” she said. R.O.B admitted some fault here. It should have been obvious to him but then again, he wasn’t exactly looking for it.

“Wait, why did you open up to me out of all people?” asked R.O.B. Peach shrugged.

“I don’t really have a ton of friends here. Most of the Mario crew have been kind of hard to talk to and well… I never really made friends out of that group. Samus might be the closest thing to a friend I have and by extension, you… I just needed to tell somebody.” she said. R.O.B sighed.

“Well, I mean, if you wanna talk I guess you could come to me about it,” said R.O.B. “Not like I’m really doing much.”

“Alright.” said Peach as she exited out the elevator.


Samus arose with pains in her back. She didn’t realize how much sleeping on what was basically a stretcher would hurt. She attempted to walk it out in the room but it didn’t help much. Her sleep cycle was fucked up too, it was the afternoon, she had slept way too long. She groaned as she headed downstairs and looked at the snowy road and grimaced.

It was not exactly ideal for a morning run. Not that she had even packed her workout clothes, but running through the snow would be a bad idea. They had to have a snow shovel packed away here or something…

She saw Wolf with a cup of coffee, leaned against a lamp post. She ran over to him. “You guys got a snow shovel or something?” she asked. Wolf looked at her perplexed.

“Why the hell would we have a snow shovel?” he asked. Samus sighed.

“No snow shovel?” she asked.

“No snow shovel.” he answered. He spit out some of his drink, seemingly for the sake of it, and headed up the radio tower. Samus’ eyes narrowed. Well, snow shovel or not, she was gonna clear the sidewalk.

She found a small storage bin full of stuff The Hands seemed to have “dropped” in a shed. She found a couple of eggs and threw them aside as they exploded into larger items. A cloaking device… she stuffed that into her jacket, might be handy later. A barrel cannon, still seemed usable… she tossed that to the side. A lot of it was pretty useful but nothing to really clear away snow.

“Hey!” said a voice. Samus turned and froze as she looked at a man with two Pokemon with him: Ivysaur and Squirtle. She recognized him as the Pokemon Trainer from Brawl’s heyday. “Get away from that stuff.”

“Sorry, was just looking for something to clear out the sidewalk for a run… is it your’s?” she said, grasping the cloaking device as she put both of her hands in her pockets. The Pokemon Trainer tensed a slight bit.

“Well… not really.” said the Pokemon Trainer. “I use some of it to train these two.” he said, tossing a flipper next to her. She nodded and kept her grasp on the cloaking device.

“Look, all I wanna do right now is clear the sidewalk,” she said. “I don’t want any trouble.”

“Well… I wasn’t gonna hurt you or anything.” said the Pokemon Trainer. Samus headed out before he could continue, the cloaking device still in her pocket.


Now the hard part was figuring out how to get them to even agree to come what obviously would be a date. That was what R.O.B was gonna have to figure out. He wasn’t gonna become friends with them before the reservation came, so he was gonna have to resort to some trickery.

Now this could really go wrong, he figured that. It was a set up to a sitcom episode, not a real plan anyone in their right minds would use. He was gonna do it anyway because what was the absolute worst that could happen?

He headed towards the gym because he figured Sheik would be there. Entering through the glass doors, he noticed that a female Wii Fit Trainer was behind the counter. “Oh hi, R.O.B! Where’s Samus?” she asked. He really wished she didn’t ask that.

“She’s off somewhere, she’ll be back.” he said. Female Wii Fit Trainer shrugged and left R.O.B to his own business. He looked over the gym to see Cloud breaking his limits, Lucario focusing his aua, and Little Mac punching a sandbag hard enough to launch it off it’s chain.

He found Sheik doing some pull ups on the bar, unsure if he should wait for her to finish up or just ask her then and there. Sheik made the choice for him. “What do you want?” asked Sheik, slightly grunting as she pulled herself up.

“Well, Master Hand is offering you a fancy meal. Not with him.” said R.O.B, clarifying as much as he could without giving out lies or too much of the truth. Sheik seemed rightfully skeptical.

“He just offered me it? What did I do?” asked Sheik. R.O.B shrugged and she thought about it.

“Eh, I guess it couldn’t hurt.” she said. Well, that was easier than R.O.B expected. He walked out of the room, now wondering where Greninja could be…


Samus was finding that it was going to become basically impossible to clear the sidewalk. No snow shovel, none of the items she found would be much use, and attempting to sweep it herself would be a hassle that wouldn’t be worth it.

Well, she figured she had gotten a lot of mileage out of trying to solve the damn problem to begin with. That could work for her. Suddenly, she noticed some water trickling under her. She looked behind her to see Squirtle blasting the sidewalk with waves of water.

“Oh!” she said. “Thanks.” She stepped aside to see Pokemon Trainer and Squirtle clearing off the sidewalk. Maybe things wouldn’t be too bad here.

There was still the issue of Snake, though. He didn’t know about R.O.B or anything that had happened. She didn’t want to talk to him again, or for that manner, think about it. She was stressing herself out over it, surely he could respect her to stay away.

After the sidewalk had been cleared off, she ran. It was getting dark but it didn’t matter, this was just a cell for people who had been kicked out. She had to wonder why they had been kicked out… especially some of the people from Brawl. She never understood the reasons they had been kicked out aside from Snake, who killed someone.

Where was Young Link and Pichu anyway? Or really, any of the kicked out members she hadn’t seen yet? She came across a lit cabin and paused. It was getting dark out, might be time to stop and see what was going on there…

She opened the door to see most of the island centered about a table, laughing and chatting loudly. They didn’t seem to even notice her come in, so she figured she could take that to her advantage and hide behind an old brown leather couch.

“You cheating?” asked a Pikachu. “Pretty sure you’ve put out like five aces.” A blond haired Link nodded his head no. Pikachu squinted his eyes before going back to his fold.

“So what was the deal with you and Pichu anyway?” asked Solid Snake, reshuffling his cards. Pikachu sighed.

“Well, in show business, they typically pick the young guy. After Melee, they just switched us out, leaving me here and he went on to do what would have been my roles. He’s the only one that can do Volt Tackle anyway…” explained Pikachu.

Wolf put his feet up on the table. “Are any of us here with an actual purpose except purgatory?” The room went silent. “Except Snake, but y’know… I don’t think you were exactly wrong for that.”

“Eh, doesn’t really matter, I suppose.” Snake said in response, laying out a couple of cards.

Samus crept out from the room slowly as the deafening silence grew and grew. Wolf however, had spotted her inches from the door. “Why don’t you join us? You can take Snake’s spot next game.” Samus froze and shrugged, walking over to the table.

“What are you guys playing?” asked Samus.

“Poker.” said Pikachu.

“Eh, alright. I have no idea how it works though.” said Samus.

“Good, because I don’t know either!” said Pikachu, laughing.

Chapter 8: Ice Climbing

R.O.B found Greninja in the wee hours of the night in the indoor garden, two sprouts of water balancing off his hands. His eyes were closed in concentration, his body tense as he stood on one finned leg. R.O.B’s clunky movements alerted Greninja almost immediately.

“What do you want?” he said as water leaked into the stone tiles. He looked somewhat frustrated, his focus broken by a noisy robot. R.O.B swiped his hands up.

“Just a messenger.” he said as he backed away a little. Greninja’s muscles relaxed a bit.

“What is it then?” he asked.

“Well, Master Hand is offering you a fancy meal. Not with him.” R.O.B said, his words exactly like the ones he had used prior before. Greninja thought about it for a bit.

“Well, alright I guess,” he said. “Not sure what I did but I guess you can’t really pass up a steak dinner.”

“Nope, you can’t.” said R.O.B. He left the garden and pumped up his rotary arm. He headed back to the elevator to head back to his room. The doors shut as Cloud walked in. The two didn’t say anything to each other.

R.O.B left to head to Samus’ room, more or less his at this point. Alright, he had Sheik and Greninja agreeing to a little date now, it was his job now to inform them exactly where and when this would be. He hooked a wire to the back of his neck and began typing up invites in his mind, making them look official and correct. He would print these later at night when everyone else was asleep.

He was beginning to worry about Samus though, where was she? It had been two days now…


Samus slammed the hold down onto the table.

“I win,” she said. The table groaned as the chips were transferred over to her. They still had no clue how to play this, just making rules up as they went. Samus checked her phone. It was getting pretty late. “Alright… I’m gonna head to bed. See yall!” The group waved her goodbye as she headed towards the cot cabin. She plugged her phone into the charger.

No wifi was killing her. She wanted to talk with R.O.B so badly, inform him on what was going on… hell, informing anyone to send a rescue mission out would be great. Did they even know she was gone? Lucina and Palutena had to miss her by now, right?

She laid back on the bed exhausted. Popo and Nana popped their heads from the staircase. Samus glanced over to them, her feet over each other as she slowly emerged out of thought.

“What?” she asked.

“Sorry you got trapped down here.” said Popo. She wanted to get up and console him, informing him that it wasn’t his fault, but she just wanted to stay on the bed more.

“No, no, it’s not your fault. It’s that dumb pilot’s fault.” she said, her voice growing heavy with frustration.

“Still, we want to help you out.” said Nana.

“Do you guys know where any wifi is? I’m pretty sure Wolf said there was none but…” she said, her voice becoming desperate beyond her control.

“...maybe.” said Popo. Oh?

“What do you mean maybe?” asked Samus.

“Wolf noticed some wifi signals when he was around the volcano. He said they weren’t very good but maybe if you got to the top…” said Popo.

“Well, I know what we’re doing tomorrow!” said Samus. Popo and Nana seemed pleased and left her in the dark to rest.


The mansion was dark. The rooms seemed to pitch black light from under the doors. Dead silence, dead air. R.O.B s mechanical inner workings shuddered down the hall, down the stairway. Not that he was afraid, but he was getting pretty old and hadn’t had a lot of repairs.

He carried the laptop tightly in his haphazard grasp. It could fall out any given moment considering how little grasp he had over it, but it just never did in an astonishing way. The printer room was here somewhere…

He wondered if it honestly was worth it. Was he doing this because he really wanted to, or was it out of boredom and servitude to whoever gave him commands? He paused. How much of his life was his choice, really?

A robot lives a life of meaning, but the meaning is defined ahead of time. What was his meaning? Perhaps he made up this operative out of nothing? Did Greninja really need his help? Did he deserve it?


He thought about it. He thought way back to the fateful meaning in the meeting room so long ago, that time he blurted out Samus and him were dating. He was told to keep it a secret, so why did he go against that command? The Bayonetta Seduction. Could he have gone down a different route with that? Was it human to stay with Samus? Or was it a robotic desire?

He came across a computer lab with a single computer illuminating the room still. Somebody didn’t log off. The desktop was filled with thumbnails of Captain Falcon’s boisterous biceps… some people… he shook his head in slight amusement and cringe.

He found the printer and set down the laptop. It wasn’t too hard connecting the printer with the laptop and the printer roared to life to print out two sheets of colored paper. It was as easy as that…

Something in the room moved and it wasn’t R.O.B. He looked around with a low level laser, attempting to detect anything in that room. He had gone around almost entirely clockwise until he registered somone in the room. He grabbed the sheets of paper and laptop and set them by the illuminated computer and walked towards the registered being.

As his vision adjusted to the darkness in the room he saw someone he knew huddled into the corner. Cloud? What?

“Cloud?” he asked. Cloud looked up and stood up.

“Yo, what are you doing man?” asked R.O.B. Cloud shrugged a bit. That wasn’t really a good answer. “No, seriously, what are you doing in here out of all places? Shouldn’t you be in your room or something?”

Cloud finally gave in. “I heard about the other island. The Missingno one.” he said.

“Yeah, what about it?” asked R.O.B.

“Where are we all gonna go once the next Smash Bros. rolls around? How many of us are gonna stick around?” he asked.

“I don’t try to worry about that… these tend to last a while.” R.O.B said. “Besides, it looks like you have a decent chance at staying around, if Sonic could do it…”

“Well, what were you doing here?” asked Cloud. “I was here because it was the only place that felt peaceful, I guess… I’ve outstayed my peace here.”

“I was printing some stuff out,” said R.O.B. “You wanna help me out?”

“Eh, sure, why not?” asked Cloud. He followed R.O.B out of the computer room and back up to the rooms. He handed Cloud a paper.

“Put this on Sheik’s door.” he said. Cloud headed off towards Sheik’s room as R.O.B headed to Greninja’s.


Samus awoke early the next morning and skipped her run to head to the base of the volcano. She ran by the patch of daisies as Popo and Nana looked at the tall jumble of rocks ahead of them.

“So, what do we do?” she asked.

“You gotta climb to the top. You know, jump, wall jump, whatever.” said the Ice Climbers. They jumped up into the air and bounced off the sides of the volcano like the were on the moon. Samus re-tied her ponytail and took a running jump, clinging onto the side of the mountain and then in a brief instant, she was flying again to another surface to do the same. She landed on some ground and as she looked up, she still had quite a bit of ground to cover.

She jumped up again, doing a swift kick in the air before landing on both feet and her left hand. Just keep jumping…

She was on top of the volcano fairly quickly, but the Ice Climbers had beat her there. “I didn’t really need your help, did I?” asked Samus, kind of in a laughing way.

“I guess not!” said the Ice Climbers. “You getting any reception?”

Samus glanced at her phone. Five bars.

“Let me make a quick call.” she said.

Chapter 9: The Message

The phone rang in the early morning and he was a bit perplexed as to why anyone was calling him. He picked it up.

“Hello?” he asked.

“Oh god… it’s me.” said Samus. She glanced around the volcano top, about to lose composure. It had been so long.

“Samus?” asked R.O.B, suddenly a lot more awake. “What’s going on?”

“I’m stuck on MissingNo island. Some doofus pilot took off without me. There wasn’t any wifi on the island except here on top of this volcano. It’s been… alright. Nothing too bad happened except my back. That’s all messed up from sleeping in a cot for the past three or so days.” explained Samus.

“Thank god, I was starting to worry.” said R.O.B. He glanced out the window and saw rain.

“Anyway, if you could get help over here, that would be great,” she said. “I don’t mind waiting, to be honest… just make it soon.”

“Can do.” said R.O.B.

“This is a weird question but… do you have that equipment yet?” she asked. She felt stupidly desperate but she really wanted to know.

“Oh…” said R.O.B. He forgotten all about it. Goddamn it.

“Ok…” she sighed. “Just get on it soon, please…” she sighed again. "I don't want to be controlling, I don't but... it would mean a lot.

"Yeah, it's my fault... sorry." said R.O.B, shifting his eyes towards the ground.

She sighed intensely. “What’s been going on anyway? What have you been doing without me?” she said in a teasing manner.

“Oh, not much…” said R.O.B, glancing out the window again. “Trying to get Greninja and Sheik together, I’m predicting it’s not gonna go well with the way I’m doing it but I mean… what else can you do?”

“Haven’t really done much beyond fixing the electricity, cleaning off the streets, playing a couple of rounds of cards…” She said, glancing at her phone. It was getting low on charge already? “My fuckin’ phone’s dying, I guess I’ll talk more later.”

“That’s… weird. Well, I guess I should probably get ready for the day.” R.O.B said, putting his attention back into the room.

“Love you.” Samus said as she put her finger over the hang up button.

“Love you too.” said R.O.B as the call ended.

He looked around the room as he put away the phone. The call restored some confidence in him. He would get to Master Hand about picking Samus off the island and head over to the date set-up.

Things were looking alright from the start. Sheik arrived a bit early and sat down, looking pretty unsure why R.O.B was there. She seemed to want to ask but didn’t. Greninja arrived not too much later at the same table and now both were confused.

“Mkay… I didn’t think there was gonna be other people here.” she said out loud.

“Yeah…” said Greninja. He knew exactly what was going on and felt so fucking stupid for falling it, but he didn’t want anybody to think he was behind it. He wasn’t… in a way. R.O.B was, but if he hadn’t confessed to him…

“Is this a setup, R.O.B?” asked Sheik. R.O.B shrugged in a manner to show that yes, he was the one who set this up.

“I did this to get you two together… I just wanted him to be happy like I am and…” R.O.B said, stopping mid-explanation.

“So you lied to me and him, then,” said Sheik. She pushed the chair back. “Just the messenger…” she mocked. “Well, I’m done.”

Greninja paused. “It wasn’t exactly his idea to get us together. Look… I’ve never admitted it to anyone but him but I really… I really do think you’re beautiful. I’ve felt this way for a while now, actually…”

“I don’t want to hear it,” she said, her back facing him. He felt small. R.O.B felt like garbage. Sheik felt all too betrayed. “Now is not the time to say anything.”

R.O.B sighed in regret. He knew this wasn’t gonna work. He pushed for this… why? He left the restaurant last.


Samus found herself playing another couple more games of cards that night. It helped she could win these.

“Jesus, you gonna let anyone else win?” asked Pikachu. Samus shrugged as she set down some cards. “Christ.”

Eh, it was time to give it a break anyway. She set herself against the wall checking her cellphone. Even though she had no wifi, she still had a lot of messages and emails she had to check. A couple of selfies from Peach which Samus still had no idea why she was still receiving them, a couple of messages from Palutena and Lucina she would need to respond to soon, and a couple of updates for Smash Mansion activities.

Suddenly a hand hit the wall on the left side of her face. She looked up from the phone to see Snake.

God no.

“Snake, no…” Samus said. “I’ve moved on.”

“To whom?” asked a perplexed Snake. God damn it, did he have to know? Did anyone here have to know?

“It’s none of your concern.” said Samus, looking over to her right but Snake blocked it with his hand and leaned in closer. Jesus christ.

“No, no… get away from me.” she said.

“Why not?” asked Snake. “Who are you seeing?”

“...fuck off! Seriously!” Samus said, kicking him with her knee flat to his chest. He backed off.

“I haven’t seen you in a while.” said Snake.

“For a good reason. We broke up. I don’t think you remember that considering what you just did.” she said.

Wolf stepped in. “Come on, let’s head out away from him. I don’t wanna see this get heated.” Samus nodded her head and headed outside with Wolf.

Chapter 10: Night Wolf

“What did you really want to see me about?” asked Samus. Wolf put his hands in his pockets.

“The volcano. There’s wifi up there apparently,” said Wolf. He handed Samus a small device as big as her palm. “See that?”

“I’m not climbing the volcano this late at night.” she said.

“Not asking you to do it alone. Listen, I wanna get off this island, you wanna get off this island… let’s send a message to my buddy Fox to get us out of here.” Wolf explained. She crossed her arms.

“R.O.B already is sending over a ship and I doubt you’d be allowed back anyway.” she informed. She kept her arms crossed.

“The plane or ship isn’t gonna get here until two days at minimum. Fox can be here within a hour.” he said. “Also… why did you call R.O.B?”

She let out a big breath and uncrossed her arms. “He’s my boyfriend.” she explained.

“Why didn’t you tell Snake?” asked Wolf.

“I… it’s not exactly a thing I want public,” she said. “I already told everyone at the mansion but… it’s complicated how that happened.”

“Ah.” he said. “Well, you gonna help me out or what?”

“Why do you need help getting up a volcano? It’s easy as shit. Just… climb up there with your jumps.” she said.

“I don’t need help getting up there, I need help up there. This thing requires some setup and I can’t really do it by myself,” he said. “I need someone to hold the device while I hold up a different device. See, the thing is that I don’t really need wifi but it’s the only signal that can be converted into one I need. I tried with radio and that didn’t work out.”

“Alright, I guess.” Samus said. She looked at the device and pushed it into her pocket with the Cloaking Device.


R.O.B was pretty bummed out. He was aware that it would likely fail but having it actually happen was a lot worse than he imagined it going. Could they even be on speaking terms again? He wasn’t sure.

He looked at his human body and flashed back a couple of months ago.


“You’ve had your share of mistakes but I’ve been able to forgive them. Not forget them, but I can’t fault you. You are human after all.” said R.O.B.

“What about you? Do you make mistakes?” asked Samus.

“I don’t like to think I do. That would be human, and no matter what body I’m in… that’s not who I am.” said R.O.B.

“Would you prefer it if I was a robot then?” Samus asked.

“No. Don’t change anything about yourself to try and please me. I’m just saying, there is a difference. I can be misguided but I don’t error, at least in this game of life.” said R.O.B.


He had errored. He had messed it all up.

He was more human than he ever thought he was. He was scared out of his mind now. He had ceased to become a robot, he had become this forgetful human stuck in a robotic body with motor functions that were never intended to do anything beyond grab a spinning top.

He sighed as his inner mechanisms shuddered inside. He was getting old for a robot too. He hadn’t really had any repairs done as of late as the fights had ended a long time ago. Would she still even love him? She had already grown tired of his human form and his robot form was falling apart.

He looked at the invites again on the computer. They were nice looking, at least, although their function had expired.


Samus and Wolf had gotten to the top. Samus took out the device from her jacket as Wolf took out a slighter larger one and flipped it open.

“Just keep it raised in the air just like that.” he said as Samus held the object above her head. He typed in some stuff with his claws and her device glowed green.

“It’s online,” he said. “Let’s see here…”

Samus wondered why, out of all places, the top of the volcano was the only spot with wifi? Why was there wifi set up near or in the volcano to begin with? What would even be the purpose of hiding something like the internet connection to begin with?

Wolf hit his device and growled. “Something’s eating up the damn battery. It’s dead.”

“What?” asked Samus. “That happened with my phone too. What’s going on with this place?”

“I brought a portable charge at least.” said Wolf, clamping a chip onto the back of his device. The process started up again. Samus thought she heard a third person on the volcano roof. She turned around.

“Who’s there?” she asked, taking out her paralyzer gun.

“Hi,” said the voice. A person, hard to make out, stepped out from the darkness of the night. “I’m Daisy.”

Princess Daisy stepped out, looking worse for wear. She had a leather jacket over her typical yellow dress, which was all torn up, and she had an eye patch over her left eye.

“Dear god, what the hell happened to you?” asked Samus. She started coughing. “What the hell is happening to me?” Wolf began coughing too. Daisy put over a gas mask as Samus fell to the ground, their worlds going black.

Chapter 11: Three Eyed Vixen

Samus and Wolf awoke strapped two stalagmites over a pit of lava. Daisy was behind a railing, typing stuff in. “Oh good, you two are awake. That toxin stuff lasted alot longer than I was planning! But now that you two are awake, I suppose I can explain myself a little.”

“Why would you tell us anything?” asked Samus. “What would you get out of that?”

“Well, I hope that you can sympathize with me once I explain my actions. You see, I have been practically DYING to get into Smash Bros.” she laughed loudly.

“Why did she laugh?” asked Wolf. “That wasn’t funny.”

“Now I thought I would have a chance with the new installment coming out. I waited until release for them to send me a last second letter but…” she laughed again. “It never came! You know who got in though? That stupid bitch Rosalina!”

Samus and Wolf stayed silent as Daisy paced to the left and right, wildly waving her arms. ”Then they announced DLC. Surely I, the most popular Mario series character, would be a big incentive to buy… but then Corrin, that little goddamn bastard got in and that was that. The Daisy for DLC campaign was beyond useless, even with all that campaigning… even with that Rosalina bitch…”

Samus wondered what the hell she was talking about and then she remembered. Oh god, she remembered. “Oh...” she said.

“I’m done with being rejected. I began research into cloning, controlling other bodies, body switching…” she said as she walked over to a dark corner in the other room. “and now, I present my masterpiece.” She flicked on the lights for the corner of the room, where two glass tubes with the naked bodies of Peach and Rosalina floating inside. Samus and Wolf looked disgusted.

“These are clones, not the real ones. I’ve put chips in what would be their brains to control them, although I plan on inhabiting them myself from time to time...” said Daisy.

“What the hell do you want with us? Why did you tie us up on goddamn stalagmites?” asked Samus, trying to get free. Daisy looked at her like she was stupid.

“Well, I can’t have you two spoiling it so I figured if I tied you up, explained my plan and then enacted the switcheroo while asking you nicely to keep it a secret, you could do that. After all Samus, you’re good with secrets.” explained Daisy.

What a piece of shit. “YOU were the one who sent me over here, weren’t you? You were the one who cut the power, weren’t you?” asked Samus, struggling with the goddamn ropes.

“What about me?” asked Wolf.

“Oh honey, we all know you are never getting off this island!” laughed Daisy. Wolf hung his head down.

“How are you gonna get off?” asked Samus.

“Simple. You just bring me along when the ship gets here.” responded Daisy.

“What makes you think I’m gonna do that?” asked Samus.

“The lava, duh?” Daisy explained, again acting like Samus was dumb. “It’s a loooooooong fall.”

“What happened to your eye anyway?” asked Wolf.

“My eye?” asked Daisy. She tapped the eyepatch. “Oh yes, well, it’s not easy cloning and there were a few donations I had to make myself…” Samus noticed she was missing her right middle finger.

“You’re a goddamn maniac!” screamed Samus, attempting to get out. It was no use. She put her head down in defeat as Daisy turned back to the test tube princesses. She licked against the glass of Peach’s test tube.

“We gotta get out of here,” whispered Wolf. “I mean, that’s obvious but you gotta have a plan right?”

“If only my hands were… oh hey,” Samus said, her hands slipping out of the ropes. “Phh… they wanted me to be a little less thinner.” She tapped her jacket, looking for her phone. It was almost out of battery. She watched as Daisy headed into another room and began dialing.

R.O.B heard the phone go off. It was likely Samus… it was Samus. He picked it up. “Yellow?” he said.

“Hey R.O.B, I need HELP right NOW. Daisy’s… crazy as shit and she has me tied up in a volcano with Wolf,” she said. “I know I sound crazy but Daisy fucking did all of that shit. See if you can get Fox, he doesn’t have a phone number but-”

“Well, I admit, I do find it hard to believe but I trust your word on it.” said R.O.B. He didn’t have a lot of time but he knew he couldn’t do this alone.


He first knocked on Palutena and Lucina’s door. Palutena opened it up.

“What’s up?” asked Palutena.

“Samus is in trouble. Look, I can’t really spare the details right now but you can trust me, right?” asked R.O.B.

“Oh shit!” said Palutena. “Alright, we’ll get ready. I guess we’ll meet in the lobby?” she asked. R.O.B nodded as he set off.


He was gonna have a harder time as he went along. He knocked on Peach’s door.

“Hey, you know Samus?” asked R.O.B.

“What happened to her?” asked Peach, putting a gloved hand to her mouth.

R.O.B sighed in stress. “She’s in trouble.”

“Say no more.” said Peach. She ran and jumped down the railing to the lobby.

“Alright…” said R.O.B. He scratched his head.


“So why were you kicked out anyway?” asked Samus to Wolf.

“I got framed for something I didn’t do. Plagiarism. Most of my moves are my own but people thought I was ripping off on Falco and Fox and they never said anything so I had to go…” he said, sighing heavily. “Look, I can prove I’m my own fighter, they just gotta give me a second go…”

“That’s fucked up.” said Samus.

“It kind of is, yeah. I mean… they are other blatant clones but I guess I never signed the paperwork or something- I dunno.” he said.

Daisy entered back into the room, facing the test tubes instead of her two prisoners. Samus grabbed out the Cloaking Device.

“I’m going to try and escape, I’ll come back for you later.” she said as she held the Cloaking Device to Wolf’s face. He nodded. Daisy laughed.

“How are you gonna escape when I can see literally everything you’re doing?” asked Daisy, still not facing them. Samus was unnerved.

“What do you mean everything? I can see your butt but not your face...” said Samus. Daisy parted her hair from the back to reveal a third eye, wildly looking out as it was exposed. Samus nearly dropped the cloaking device out of shock.

“You have a third eye on the back of your head?” asked Wolf.

She cackled. “I can see EVERRRRYTHING,” she retorted. “Don’t even think about escape.”

Samus admittedly was not thinking about escape at the moment.

Chapter 12: The Final Destination

R.O.B had gathered pretty much everyone he needed. Cloud, Palutena, Lucina, Peach, Greninja, Sheik, and Fox. It took a lot of convincing for Greninja and Sheik but ultimately they were able to put aside their feelings for a small rescue mission.

He wasn’t sure how this was gonna go. They were trapped on a island with a crazy woman who seemed to have the full intent to hurt the two if they did anything like escape. Adding another layer of insanity that this was, it was Princess Daisy, who they didn’t really know much about admittedly.

As they were boarding the Great Fox, R.O.B knew exactly how he was going to approach the situation, but he needed to head back to his room for a second.


Daisy watched her two prisoners hang off the stalagmites, bound by ropes. They were watching her back. She just realized she needed some opinions on the outfits she was gonna wear. She brought out black and yellow versions of Rosalina’s and Peach’s dresses. “What do you think about these? Too on the nose?”

“Too on the nose of what?” Samus tiredly asked. She didn’t give a shit about the dresses, she just wanted to kick Daisy’s fucking teeth in.

“Well, black is typically what you wear to a funeral and yellow is MY color so... “ said Daisy. “Do you think it advertises too much that they’re dead?”

“Wait, you’re gonna kill them?” asked Wolf.

“Well, duh. How else is the plan supposed to work if they’re still alive? A quick snap of the neck is all it would take…” she said as she mimicked what she was gonna do if she got around Rosalina’s and Peach’s pretty little necks. She dubbed in some sound effects for maximum horror, with Samus unsure if Daisy was aware of how far in the deep end she was in.

She silently prayed to whatever god there was that R.O.B and Fox would arrive soon. She could totally get out of here but she had to get Wolf out of here and who knew what else Daisy had up her sleeve? She could shoot Samus mid-air and she would plunge to the bottom of the volcano, dying a horrifying death by lava.

She heard something in the distance, the sound of a high-powered air vessel, one that was more meant for exploring the depths of space than traversing the sky. This had to be them.

R.O.B dropped down from below and landed. “Oh thank god…” Samus said. Daisy took a look at and then ran at him, punting him like a soccer ball and throwing him down into the depths of the volcano. Samus gasped in shock and looked to Daisy. Adrenaline kicked in, she didn’t care what was going to happen in the moment.

“Alright, you fucked with me for the last FUCKING TIME.” she said. She jumped off and kicked her straight in her eye-patched face. Daisy was unbalanced from the attack, falling onto her back. She attempted to get up but was kicked in the face by a pissed off Samus. Samus grinded her heel into Daisy’s face.

“Stop…” said Daisy. Samus pointed her paralyzer gun at Daisy’s head. “STOP!”

“Give me one reason to.” said Samus.

“Samus!” said someone in the distance. Samus’s head turned around but her gun was still facing Daisy’s terrified face. It was R.O.B, in his human form. He came over to Samus and the two embraced to hug.

“I thought you died, Jesus fucking christ.” Samus said.

“Well, the robot body is dead but it’s fine, I can get that rebuilt, it was about time to get a new robot body any way,” he said. “Are you fine though?”

“Fine?” asked Samus, gripping him tighter. “I’m better than that.”

“Good to know.” he said, his voice slightly tight.

Daisy got up, her mouth running down with blood. She wiped it off and walked over to the glass tubes holding her Peach and Rosalina. Samus noticed what she was doing and aimed her gun over Daisy’s head. “Don’t move if you know what’s good for you, Daisy.” she said, threatening to shoot her. Daisy laughed as she lifted up a lever and the glass tubes opened downwards, releasing the bodies which spilled out on the floor.

Samus fired but missed. The Peach and Rosalina put on the dresses Daisy had made for them earlier and started heading towards Samus. She didn’t want to let go but she had to. Samus ran towards, attempting to kick them, but completely whiffing it. Damn, too early.

The others had arrived just now. Cloud helped Wolf get out as Lucina and Palutena attempted to help out Samus in the fight, but it was like Peach and Rosalina were able to predict their moves ahead of time.

“How the hell are they so good at fighting?” said Lucina as she staggered back and put her sword up in counter position. Daisy laughed.

“amiibo tech,” Daisy simply stated. She pressed another button. “I didn’t even mention this because I wasn’t expecting it to go so south…”

Greninja and Cloud were back to back as a horde of Shy Guys suddenly appeared. Greninja powered a water shuriken as Cloud charged his Limit Break. Suddenly, a small explosion went off, causing Greninja and Cloud to look up as Sheik soared through the air.

She was perfect.

The three took on the mooks that Daisy was throwing at them, while Peach just got to the ground, her umbrella float being why it took so long, apparently. The other Peach looked at her and went towards her, but she was suddenly slammed by Peach’s butt.

The other Peach attempted to get up but was slammed by a frying pan. Samus, R.O.B, Lucina, and Palutena stepped back as Peach launched into a series of profanities and knocking the other Peach farther and farther back. One last final slam with the frying pan and she was launched far, far away where none of them would see her again.

Sheik, Cloud, and Greninja were busy dealing with the mooks when Daisy’s Rosalina grabbed Sheik. Sheik attempted to get free but she had suffered too much damage over the course of pummeling several enemies and knew that if Rosalina attempted a ground throw here, it would be over…

Greninja kicked the shit out of Rosalina, causing her to lose her grip. Not to be outdone, Rosalina slammed Greninja against the wall of the volcano. As Rosalina was about to finish him off, Sheik landed both legs on her back, slamming her directly into Cloud, who was fully ready to use his limit break.

She was launched out of the volcano and would likely never be seen again. Sheik walked over to Greninja. “Why did you do that?” she asked.

“You know why.” he said. She leaned in to kiss him, much to his surprise.

“Maybe soon we can go on a real date,” she said. “but first we gotta get out of here.”

Samus and R.O.B approached Daisy, who was approaching the ends of her ropes. Out of mooks, out of fighters, all she had was herself, who was not a fighter. She looked back to see the ledge.

“We don’t want to hurt you.” said R.O.B

“Then what do you want?” asked Daisy. “You’ve already gotten rid of everything I’ve been slaving over for the past year and a half.”

Samus kneeled down. “We need you to not do it again.”

Daisy cracked a smile. “That’s not going to help me, is it.” She jumped off the ledge and into the lava below as Samus and R.O.B didn’t exactly hope but figure she would do. They looked at the Great Fox and started to head back to the mansion. Samus was so glad all this bullshit was over, she could go home and rest with her boyfriend and…

Wolf. She had forgotten about Wolf for a second. She looked at him, standing and staring into the lava below. “Wolf, come on.” she said.

Wolf turned around to look at her. “I can’t come.” he replied.

“Why not?” she asked. “I can work something out with Master Hand and Crazy Hand, those dumbos owe me something anyway...” Wolf looked at her.

“Samus, while it’s a nice offer… I have to decline. I have to be here, not because they outcast me here but this whole Daisy thing has taught me that somebody has to be here to watch out for stuff like that. If she could hide for that long under my nose, clearly I’m not doing a very good job.” he said.

“Well, it’s your choice.” said Samus as she headed onto the ship, one of the last to do so.

“I’m staying here. Thanks for everything.” Wolf saluted Samus off as the Great Fox took off.


It had been less than a week but Samus was tired of the weather and had booked a trip to Wuhu Island, which was surprisingly empty this time of year but remained hot even as the other islands suffered under icy winds and snowy downpour.

“Well, how did you get along without me?” asked Samus as she set up a beach chair and put on her shades.

“Fairly well, but damn, did I miss you a lot. I get how you felt when I took that factory job.” he said.

“So Sheik and Greninja are together now...” she said, sipping from a water bottle. “I mean, they want to keep it secret with us but yeah.”

“Yeah! I guess I wasn’t too off the money… my approach was stupid but it worked alright.” said R.O.B.

“So… did you ask about equipment or anything?” she said. “Like… I don’t mind that you’re this currently but…”

“I did actually,” said R.O.B. “I was real with him about it and he seemed alright with it.”

“So when is that coming?” asked Samus.

“Eh, some time next week.” said R.O.B.

“Well, these are gonna be the last days you’re in a human because I don’t think I’m ever going back.” she said. She placed her hand behind her back and pulled at her bikini string. “Let’s enjoy those last days while we can, huh?”

R.O.B had nothing else to say. Just a dumb smile on his face.

THE END

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