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The Girl and The Robot is a story by Exotoro created for the rebooted Lapis Challenge I. Although the submission should be a game, Exotoro decided it worked better as a story.

The story follows a bizarre love triangle between Samus, R.O.B, and Wii Fit Trainer. It is unknown if this will include any lemon scenes.

Chapter 1

Samus stared at her computer screen. She had just gotten home from the gym; she didn't own the place but she lived in it. The Smash Mansion. It was a dumb idea in concept but she liked it in a weird way; she hadn't really considered much her home aside from her ship.

A knock came at the door.

She actually kind of groaned. "Come in." she exasperated.

R.O.B came in and moved toward her. "Can you just give me like... an hour?" she asked.

"Yeah, no problem," the robot said. He looked in the closet. "Where's my body?"

Oh yeah, his body. "Check in the bedroom." said Samus.

"Why would it be in there?" asked R.O.B.

"I don't know, we were pretty wild last night..." she smirked.

"You know what, you were right." came his distant voice. "Let me just..."

She heard a ping as R.O.B switched over to his organic body. Nobody else knew about it in the Smash Mansion; it was just their little secret.

"So, how was the gym?" he asked.

"Exhausting. Beat my push-up record, did some yoga and climbing, the typical." said Samus.

"Is..." he started to ask.

"Yeah." She looked back at her computer screen.

"He still thinks that you're together with him?" R.O.B asked.

"Well... I mean he acts like it, y'know? But we're not... it's just you and me." said Samus.

"What did he do now?" asked R.O.B.

"He just gave me this." she held a box of green sportswear.

"Do you like... give him any hints that you're not interested?" asked R.O.B.

"I mean, yeah... but it doesn't really trouble me that much." said Samus.


"Good reps, Samus, keep it up." said Wii Fit Trainer as Samus continued to do her push-ups.

Samus just groaned deeply as she continued to press forward. She finished 50 push-ups later. She grabbed her water and sat on the bench to rest just for a second. Tonight was Pizza Night, right? She watched as Zelda hit a punching bag. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Wii Fit Trainer approach.

"Don't sit down too long." he laughed.

"Don't worry, I won't." Samus said, dryly. He had been hitting on her for weeks it seemed. He threw a box at her side and Samus caught it. Green sportswear? Eh. Alright. She chugged what was left of her water and went to go climb on the rock wall.


"You rested up?" asked R.O.B.

"It's a bit early to fuck, isn't it?" asked Samus.

"Well, I want you to get me some pizza; I don't like going to these things knowing I can't have anything." said R.O.B. His black and red eyes blinked in anticipation.

"...Oh, alright," said Samus. "You want me to just grab some pizza and come back here?"

"Maybe you should try and socialize a bit. Just come with the pizza and then go back; I'll be down when I finish it." R.O.B stated.

"Why don't you want people to know about your body?" asked Samus.

"I dunno; I guess it's kind of creepy. The black and red eyes, you know? You even said it was creepy the first time. On a bigger level I don't think I can handle that." said R.O.B.

"Right. I guess I can understand that." she remembered back in the original days how everyone thought she was male.

She entered the elevator.


"So, what's been going on, Samus?" asked Palutena, with her girlfriend Lucina around her left arm.

"Not much..." she distantly stated. "Just doin' my thing."

"Well, if you need help with that Wii Fit Trainer guy..." said Palutena. "I got your back."

"...do you think we're dating?" asked Samus.

"That's what he tells everyone..." said Palutena. "Are you not?"

"No, I'm not. I guess it's not that big of a deal. How's Lucina?" asked Samus, desperate to change the subject. As much as she wasn't interested in Wii Fit Trainer, it was a good cover. She wasn't embarrassed by R.O.B, but she knew it was weird for a lot of people.

Master Hand sat by the center stage. It was like he was waiting for the right moment or something.

"Oh you know how it is..." she giggled.

"...I don't actually." Samus stated flatly.

"Pit gets pretty fussy these days because we use the hot spring a lot more..." Palutena said. "But people have been pretty accepting."

"That's nice." said Samus. She heard the chink of glasses, several in a row.

"Thank you," boomed Master Hand as Link put down the glasses and sat down. "I have some announcements..."

Samus sat down at the table. She saw R.O.B enter through the doors. Well, it's as good as a time as any.

"We're seeing a couple more members tomorrow... so everyone come to the meeting," said Master Hand. "Apparently people have a couple of announcements of their own they'd like to share, so come to the meeting tomorrow."

The last time they had a meeting was the return of Mewtwo and Lucas. It wasn't exactly that exciting since Samus didn't really like Mewtwo but Lucas was alright. He didn't really bother her that much, mostly spending time with Ness. She remembered how that went; it was pretty heart-warming.

"And yeah, that's it." Master Hand floated back down and the night went on.


"So, how was it?" said R.O.B.

"He's been apparently telling everyone that I'm his girlfriend." said Samus.

"...oh." R.O.B stated.

"I think it's a good cover for us..." said Samus.

"Are you embarrassed to be with me?" asked R.O.B.

"I wouldn't fuck you if I was. Come on, don't be silly." Samus said slyly.

"I guess you're right." said R.O.B as the doors opened. The two stepped out.

"Come on, let's have some fun." she stated as she kissed the top of R.O.B's head.

Chapter 2

Samus got up, took a shower, and put on a clean Zero Suit.

"Hey, time to wake up." she said, poking R.O.B's bald organic face. He groaned as he woke up, not even bothering to put on clothes, but just swapped his consciousness to the robot body. It was always kind of weird seeing that, but she didn't see it happen when the body was naked before.

"Eh, I'll come back for it later." said R.O.B. Samus walked out, locking her door as the two exited. She was always afraid that someone would suspect stuff as soon as they got out, but the hall was always empty. The two entered the meeting room, which was a big rectangular table with the Smash Bros. symbol in the middle. Master Hand was in the front, Crazy Hand was in the back, with the two always facing towards each other.

Immediately, Samus noticed that Peach was naked. She didn't see any new people yet. She sat down, with R.O.B next to her. Nobody really suspected anything and they really shouldn't, but it always felt weird as if it they were broadcasting it to everyone. But who would suspect it? R.O.B seemed like the only person that seemed totally incapable of having sex. Which was actually weirder to Samus, because he seemed like he was the best.

Master Hand counted everyone and then began. "Welcome. I suppose you're wondering who the new arrivals are."

"I am, to be honest." stated Zelda.

Master Hand snapped his fingers (which is kind of weird to think about considering everything; would he be snapping his body?) and Ryu, Roy, Bayonetta, and Shantae stepped in.

"These are Ryu, Roy, Shantae, and Bayonetta. They'll be joining us and they already have their own rooms in place. As for other announcements..." boomed Master Hand.

"I'm a nudist now." proclaimed Peach. Well, that explained that. She had always been wearing skimpier and skimpier outfits since she divorced Mario, constantly hitting on other guys... but she had apparently decided to go fully nude now.

"Yeah, we know it's a bit weird... but it's her choice and I believe everyone needs to respect that," said Master Hand. "So we're going to be going over the rules for this."

The rules?

"Just because someone feels comfortable being nude in a social setting does not mean that they wish to be photographed. So yeah, don't photograph her unless she asks. Using one without her consent will most likely result in confiscation or expulsion." stated Master Hand. Made sense.

"Most everyone was raised from childhood to understand that staring is rude. It is considered just as rude in nudist circles as anywhere else in polite society. Just remember that nudists enjoy nudity for the sake of nudity and do not go nude because they want others to look at them..." said Master Hand. She doubted Peach was doing this just because she liked going nude.

The discussion droned on for a while. This probably wouldn't go on for more than a week. Fall was coming anyway.

"I'd like to announce that me and Lucina are getting married!" Palutena said excitedly. Claps from all around the room. Lucina seemed to smile.

R.O.B seemed uneasy, which was weird for a robot.

"I've planned a beach trip," said Crazy Hand. "Sign ups are in the lobby, it's two weeks from now."

"Another Smash Ballot will be happening next week." said Master Hand.

"The gym now has a rowing machine," proudly stated the Male Wii Fit Trainer. "So yeah..."

"Okay, think that's it-" said Master Hand. R.O.B rose from his chair. What he was he going to say?

"Me and Samus are dating." the room went silent as R.O.B said this. Samus slinked back in fear and embarrassment. R.O.B realized his mistake as the room began to stare at the two.

"Wha... Okay..." Master Hand stated. "Uh... phh... wow."

Samus got up and left the room, her head spinning. R.O.B left too.


"Why?" asked Samus.

"I don't know!" exclaimed R.O.B. "I just... gah. I screwed up."

"Get out... I don't really want to talk to you right now." Samus muttered. R.O.B left the room to go to his own. She put her head on the desk. She always figured that it would happen... but it just felt too soon. Her cheeks blushed madly red.

She was still in love with R.O.B, but this would have so many implications that she didn't really want to think about it.

Chapter 3

She didn't leave her room until dinner. She was absolutely dreading that. She hadn't heard from R.O.B all day, and she didn't hear from Male Wii Fit Trainer either. She was really hoping that she still had her powersuit, but she gave that to SA-X.

She headed to the dining room. Steak dinner, how great. She was starving so she ate the steak and mashed potatoes and paid no attention to anyone. She knew that everyone was looking at her, the robot fucker. In actuality, everyone thought it had been some kind of weird joke that went too far or something.

She left almost as soon as she had arrived, but she was stopped by R.O.B.

"I don't have time for your shit right now, okay?" she asked.

"Listen, listen. People think I was making some kind of weird joke." R.O.B said.

"No shit?" her expression dropped a bit.

"No shit." he stated back. She looked at the room. Nobody was staring at them except for Wii Fit Trainer.

"What about him?" asked Samus.

"I think he knows, actually. But I mean... it can't be that bad," said R.O.B "One person out of the forty/fifty people here? Could be a lot worse."

"Yeah, I guess so," said Samus. "Going to have to punish you though."

"What do you mean by that?" asked R.O.B, getting in the elevator.

"No sex tonight. Not giving you any of this." she said, pointing at herself. If R.O.B could show emotions, it would probably be a stupid grin or disappointment.

"So have you met the new guys?" asked R.O.B.

"I haven't even really met Mewtwo or Lucas, to be frank," Samus stated. "But you know me."

"God, I should really get my body dressed. You didn't kick it's dick off or anything, right?" asked R.O.B.

"No..." said Samus. "Maybe I'll do that next time then."

"Ahaha- seriously don't do that." R.O.B said as the doors opened.


"Okay so... you wanna head to beach in two weeks like in the meeting?" asked Samus.

"Why not?" asked R.O.B.

"Well, I mean... you always complain about sand getting in your circuit board." said Samus.

"Yeah, that's true." said R.O.B.

"You don't actually seem to have a lot of fun on these, actually..." Samus stated.

"No, I do!" he stated back.

"Alright then," said Samus, getting out a list. "Hey, what do you think we need this week for food?"

"Eh, I dunno, I'm just a robot. Wait, a second, I don't live here..." said R.O.B. "Wait, are we living together now?"

"Pretty much at this point... I mean your room doesn't have a bed right? Remember that night?" asked Samus. "You pretty much never go to your room at this point."

"Oh yeah..." said R.O.B. "Huh. Wonder if they just figure I'm always busy or something.

"So yeah..." Samus wrote some stuff down on the list. "Anyway, what do we do about Wii Fit Trainer?"

"I dunno. Murder him maybe?" asked R.O.B, jokingly.

"That's what my last boyfriend would have done. Kind of miss that guy, but eh... you're much better." Samus said.

"Wait, who was your last boyfriend?" asked R.O.B.

"It was Snake, remember?" answered Samus.

"Oh yeah. I didn't like him that much, to be honest." said R.O.B.

"He was kind of fun, I guess. He's not coming back though." Samus said.

"Is it bad I don't want to see him come back?" asked R.O.B.

"I don't put him down for the ballot, so no." said Samus.

"Who do you put down for the ballot?" asked R.O.B.

"I'm not telling you that. Don't worry, it's not a replacement for you." said Samus.

"I'm going to sleep, it's getting pretty late. Gonna get dressed and sleep on the couch." said R.O.B, heading to Samus' room. R.O.B was right. She waited for him to get dressed and headed to sleep herself.

Chapter 4

Samus woke up and got on her orange sports bra and pants. She grabbed her cellphone and bag and the list. Today would be kind of a busy day.

"Hey R.O.B," she said. "I'm going to be doing a lot today so if you could just clean up a bit in here, that would be great."

"Alright, alright." groaned R.O.B as his red and black eyes opened.

She kissed him real quick and then headed out, grabbing black sports jacket and putting it on. She went into the elevator, where she saw Peach, still apparently dedicated to being nude. She had two towels with her, which was apparently required.

"Oh hey Samus," said Peach. Samus pretended to ignore her. "I'm getting so much attention from this, you know?"

"I thought the whole point of going nude wasn't to get noticed for it." stated Samus.

"Well, that's what they want you to do but I mean... come on." said Peach.

"Why are you like this?" asked Samus.

"Nobody really notices me since me and Mario got divorced, you know?" said Peach. "I'm getting to be pretty old now so..."

"I guess. You really aren't all that great of a actor to be honest..." said Samus.

"I think someone's forgetting Other M." said Peach.

"I hate that game too, but that was entirely the director's fault and you know it." said Samus, stepping out of the elevator.


"Oh look who showed up." said Wii Fit Trainer in a mad tone.

"You know that was a weird joke, right?" said Samus. It wasn't, but it was the truth for everyone else.

"It would explain a lot if you two were fucking." said Wii Fit Trainer. Samus laughed.

"Explain what? R.O.B's like the only person here who can't have sex." said Samus.

"You cheated on me." said Wii Fit Trainer.

"We're not dating. I don't know how many times I have to make hints for that, but I'm going to say it outright." said Samus.

"I give you gifts all the time and you always say you're too busy for a date, but I mean come on..." said Wii Fit Trainer.

"Sorry, but that doesn't make us an item," said Samus. "Now if you excuse me..."


Samus looked at the list and placed some eggs in the cart. She checked that off. She just need some salami and lunch meats.

She went to grab some meat when she ran into Pit.

"No long time no see!" Pit said.

"Yeah, save it." said Samus.

"Why are you so distant?" asked Pit.

"I just... I dunno." said Samus. She did kind of wonder that sometimes.

"Anyway, I came to introduce you to Phosphora." said Pit.

"She's an assist..." said Samus.

"Well yeah, but I mean we're dating." said Pit.

"What's that relationship like?" said Samus. She hadn't ever seen any of the assists around since they were in a different building.

"Not that different; we just go to our different rooms or apartments." said Pit.

"Well, it was fun talking to you but I'm done with my shopping here." said Samus, getting the meat and going.


She returned to the room, it was nicely cleaned down just like she had asked.

"Thanks." she said, dropping down the bags of groceries.

"It's kind of weird seeing you do that, to be honest. It's too normal. Not that I'm complaining, but you know... speaking out loud." said R.O.B.

"I kind of doubt I'm that normal though... seeing how at night..." she started. Was it that weird she was having sex with R.O.B? It was starting to get normal now to her at least. She feared the allure was disappearing in a way. Was she loosing interest in this? "Hey, can I ask a question?"

"Yeah?" asked R.O.B?

"Is this... getting too normal?" she asked.

R.O.B was quiet for a moment. "What's wrong with normal?"

"I mean... I don't know. It's weird I guess. I dunno... do you feel normal when you're in a relationship with a organic human?" said Samus.

"The relationship isn't based on the barrier, right?" asked R.O.B.

"I hope not... I don't know what I'm saying." Samus said. She sat down on the couch.

"Well, we should probably figure it out soon." said R.O.B. "Wanna play Super Mario Bros. 3?"

"Yeah." Samus said, taking the controller.

Chapter 5

"Unff!" Samus moaned as R.O.B finished. "You beat me." She watched as Peach thanked Mario.

"Thank you. But our princess is another castle!... Just kidding. Ha ha. Bye Bye." said the text on screen. God, she really was a bad actress.

"Haha, yes!" said R.O.B. "What time is it?"

"It's like... 8:40 PM. We missed dinner." said Samus.

"Ah crap, I'm sorry." said R.O.B.

"Nah, it's fine..." said Samus. "We'll just get something to eat or something. I'll go get some hamburgers or something. You don't have anything in mind, right?"

"No." said R.O.B.

"Cool." said Samus. She left the room and headed towards the elevator. She saw Male Wii Fit Trainer by the elevator door. God damn it.

"Didn't see you at dinner, Samus. What's the deal, too busy having sex with R.O.B?" asked Wii Fit Trainer.

"How the hell do you even think we would have sex? We're just friends." said Samus.

"Mhmm," said Wii Fit Trainer getting in. Samus got in as well. "Where has R.O.B even been the past couple days? Nobody has seen him in his room."

Shit. She didn't come up with anything for that. "He's very busy."

"With what?" asked Wii Fit Trainer.

"I dunno. I don't follow his biz." said Samus.

"Well, I want to talk to him soon." said Wii Fit Trainer sternly.

"What's your deal? I'm not into you at all." said Samus.

Wii Fit Trainer got quiet. Samus left the elevator and headed to a burger joint. Lucina and Palutena were seated a table talking, Bowser was talking with Bowser Jr., Mario, Luigi, and Rosalina were having a fun time.

She got in line behind Bayonetta. "Haven't seen you around, Samus, and the interesting thing is that we seem very alike... what's up with that?"

"I'm just distant I guess." said Samus.

"What a weird joke by R.O.B, though. I mean, what was that about?" said Bayonetta.

"I- I don't know. I almost forgot about that, way to bring that back..." said Samus.

"Well darling, if he's giving you trouble, just call me." said Bayonetta.

"Yeah, okay." said Samus.


"Here the burgers, dig in." said Samus.

"Alright!" said R.O.B, jumping into a seat.

They ate burgers in silence, weirdly respectful for them.

"Wii Fit Trainer wants to talk to you," said Samus as she finished the burger. "He's notices that you haven't been in the room."

"Guess I better come up with some excuse then." R.O.B stated.

"When you think about it, join me in the bed." Samus said slyly.

Chapter 6

Samus woke up when she heard a loud knock at the door. She apparently didn't care that she was naked or anything as she opened up the door exposing herself to whoever awaited. A flash went off, revealing Wii Fit Trainer with a camera.

"What the fuck?" asked Samus.

"I thought R.O.B would answer the door. Shit." said Wii Fit Trainer. She remembered what they said about nudists.

"I'm reporting you." she said, with the biggest shit-eating grin. She headed back into the room and grabbed some clothes. Wii Fit Trainer seemed to have run off, but he would have to come to questioning.

She knocked on Master Hand's office. Master Hand opened the door.

"I would like to report something." she said.


"So, Wii Fit Trainer. Samus says you photographed her in the nude." Master Hand asked.

"Well yeah but I mean..." said Wii Fit Trainer. Hopefully now he would realize how fucking stupid he was.

"You are not to go to her room ever again, you understand?" said Master Hand.

"Yes. I understand." said Wii Fit Trainer.

Samus sat back. It was a victory, but she had the feeling Wii Fit Trainer was still going to get after her and R.O.B. He wasn't going to allow them to fuck, now would he?

"I still want to talk with R.O.B." said Wii Fit Trainer.

"I don't know where he is." said Samus.

"YES YOU DO!" Wii Fit Trainer yelled.

"Are you dating R.O.B?" asked Master Hand.

"No." said Samus.

"There's your answer, dipshit. Leave her alone." said Master Hand, coldly uncharacteristic.

Nothing would satisfy him though.

"Anyway, I got big things to talk about," said Master Hand. "So if you excuse me..."


"He wants to talk to you," said Samus. "Did you actually come up with an excuse or not? I didn't ask."

"I actually did... if I sign up for the Wrecking Crew it might actually be believable." said R.O.B.

"Wrecking Crew?" said Samus. "Those have such long hours though, and besides, you're a smash brother... you don't need money."

"Look, I'm doing this for us. I'll sign up for Wrecking Crew and if that doesn't get Wii Fit Trainer off your back, I'll just quit." said R.O.B.

"Just like do it for two weeks or something. I just want us to be together... alone. If nobody knows, nobody knows. I think that's for the best." said Samus.

"I'm going to go sign up, okay? See you tonight." said R.O.B. Samus inspected the hallways and let him know it was okay to leave.

It wasn't. The hallways were empty but she didn't want to see him go. But she had to.

Chapter 7

R.O.B got "home" late.

"So how was work?" asked Samus.

"Fine." R.O.B said before connecting his body to his organic one.

"You wanna pork or?-" she asked.

"I'm really tired out. I need to recharge." said ROB. "Besides you're on your period."

"Yeah, I guess it's fine..." Samus, said. It didn't phase her that he knew. It was weird the first time but it didn't bother her anymore. He was a robot, that was kind of his thing. To recognize patterns. "You sure you can't just do a quick one in the butt?"

"If you wanna stay up an hour..." said R.O.B.


Sex was no longer fun.

She woke up in the morning, went to the gym. R.O.B woke up for his job about as early and it was weird that she wasn't the one waking him up.

"Have you heard? I just got a part in a new game. It's a umbrella game. Lovey Dovey Sheikah Shim Sham." boasted Peach on the elevator.

"You made that up, didn't you?" said Samus.

"No, look, it's real. They even allowed me to go nude for it." said Peach.

"I thought it was hard to get an adults only game on the market." said Samus.

"Well, they censored it. But I mean, I still can get parts in games." said Peach.

"Haha." sarcastically laughed Samus. She walked out of the elevator.


"So apparently R.O.B is at Wrecking Crew." said Wii Fit Trainer.

"Don't you feel really stupid now?" asked Samus. Well, she was glad that was over and rather easy.

"But that does mean you're available now, right?" asked Wii Fit Trainer.

"Piss off." said Samus. She went to the rowing machine.


Samus returned home kind of late, so it surprised her when R.O.B was already at the room.

"You're early..." said Samus.

"Nah. I just got promoted actually, I'm doing paperwork now." R.O.B stated.

"You're... doing paperwork now?" Samus said, somewhat stunned.

"I actually kind of enjoy it now," said R.O.B. "Give me like two more weeks..."

"What? No, are you crazy? You don't need this job and Wii Fit Trainer doesn't even suspect anything. Besides, I need you more than that job does." Samus said.

"I understand why you're hesitant about this, but I feel like I'm actually doing something there. There's not a bunch of roles open for me. I did a Tomadachi Life cameo, but otherwise I don't really get that much work. I don't like being lazy." said R.O.B.

"R.O.B, this better be just two weeks and you better take a vacation day to the beach." Samus said. She collapsed on the couch.

Chapter 8

A week went by. Sex, if it ever happened, was just terrible. Samus worked out still, but things felt slow and sluggish now. Hard to press forward. It was weird in a way because she was not what one would describe as needy or clingy; but she missed R.O.B's presence a lot.

R.O.B finally came home around 9.

"Beach. Tomorrow." said Samus.

"Taking the day off for that, yeah." said R.O.B.

"We need to reconnect." said Samus.

"What do you mean by that?" asked R.O.B.

"Bring the body." Samus said.

"Are you crazy? How would we hide it or-" R.O.B said.

"I dunno, but it's been a sucky past couple of days. Quit the job already." said Samus.

"We agreed after two weeks." said R.O.B.

"Why don't you stop though? What's so important to you about this?" said Samus. "When did I stop becoming important to you?"

"I don't know." said R.O.B.

"You don't know! Okay. Fine." said Samus.

"Really?" asked R.O.B.

"No. You keep giving me non-answers about this. The inconsistent timing too... I don't know what's going with you." said Samus.

"What's going on with you though?" asked R.O.B.

"Me?" asked Samus. "What the hell do you mean by that?"

"You never seemed like the person who would be attached to something like this." said R.O.B.

"Is this a casual thing to you?" she asked. "After I let you basically live here?"

"It's not. But the way you act about it..." R.O.B began.

"How do I act about this?" she furiously stated.

"Keeping the relationship secret, denying it to others..." R.O.B said.

"You're a robot and I'm not... it would be hard to grasp for some people." said Samus.

"Is it though? I'm practically a human during the intimate moments. Bio-engineered, sure, but it's not like you weren't engineered yourself a couple of times." said R.O.B.

"But you said how weird it would be for people to grasp that form." said Samus.

"I did, yeah." said R.O.B.

"Is this... just not going to work out for you? You keep wanting to make this more than just between us but neither of us are ready. Nobody wants to take this next step except for you, but you're just not ready to take that step either. It's not the barrier... it's the fear of acceptance." said Samus.

"What do you suppose we do then?" said R.O.B.

"I don't know! But I need you here." said Samus.

Chapter 9

"I suppose you're ready, right?" asked Samus, dropping a small suitcase onto the tile floor of the kitchen.

"How the hell are we going to fit this on the bus?" asked R.O.B, dragging the organic body into the kitchen. Samus stared quizzically at the bald-head body with a uncanny lifelessness to it that she had grown accustomed to, not considering the fact they would need to put a near lifeless body on board with the entire crew on board.

She thought for a moment.

"You think anyone's got a car?" asked Samus.

"A car? How do you not have one?" asked R.O.B.

"Encourages laziness. I walk to the gym and wherever else I wanna go. I mean, I ain't gonna get a body like this otherwise..." Samus explained.

"And I don't have a car because I rarely need to go anywhere..." said R.O.B. "...even if we get the car, nobody can know about this."

She thought over everyone she at least had a friendly relationship with. There was Peach, but she would likely take the bus... Wii Fit Trainer, absolutely not. Bayonetta probably didn't have one. How about... "...You think Lucina and Palutena have a car?" asked Samus.

"Maybe." asked R.O.B.

"I can go check. Turn off the lights and just... uh... sit here." said Samus.

"Isn't Wii Fit Trainer like... banned from this hallway?" asked R.O.B.

"He's crazy." said Samus, with R.O.B nodding in agreement.


"Lucy and Palu! How you've been?" asked Samus as she entered Palutena and Lucina's room.

"We've been doing good," said Lucina. "Still planning everything out but we feel really confident in it."

"Since when have you called us Lucy and Palu...?" asked Palutena.

"I mean, if you don't wanna be called that-" began Samus, red beginning to explode onto her face.

"No, no, it's fine. It's just we barely see each other... the last time was on Pizza Night and I didn't think you considered us that close." said Palutena.

"True, but that's what I wanted to talk about." said Samus, transitioning into car talk. God, she hoped they had a car.

"Oh?" asked Lucina.

"Yeah... R.O.B said he wanted to go to the beach, but he hates the bus so..." said Samus.

"R.O.B?" asked Lucina.

"We're... friends." said Samus. The truth, but not the whole thing. That would be too big to swallow.

"So why are you tagging along?" asked Palutena. Shit. She hadn't come up with a reason for that.

"He... uh..." Samus sputtered for a bit. "He asked me to come with him."

"Well, that's weird. First that weird joke and then he's asking you to come with him? You think he has a crush on you?" asked Lucina.

"What? Haha, no way..." said Samus. Well, it wasn't a crush.

"Hmm... so you guys want to use our car?" asked Palutena and Lucina.

"Yeah, that's basically what I'm asking." said Samus.

"Well, we can all go together. Should be a fun bonding experiment." said Palutena.

Samus had feared that.


"I got the car." Samus said, flicking the lights on.

"Why do you say that like you just went to a funeral?" asked R.O.B.

"They wanna come along too." said Samus.

"Shiiit. How we gonna fit the body in there without them knowing?" asked R.O.B.

"No idea." admitted Samus.

"We can make this work... we have to." said R.O.B.

"Well, of course." said Samus.

Chapter 10

They looked at the body with a large amount of curiosity on how they were going to hide something like that.

"You think we can just pack him in or what? You know, fit the body in a suitcase?" asked Samus.

"Nah, he's too big for that, right?" said R.O.B.

"Hmmm... can you fold him?" asked Samus.

"If we could, we wouldn't even be doing this, now would we?" said R.O.B.

"That's true." Samus sat down, deep in thought. Good god, how were they going to do this? She didn't want to leave the body behind because to be frank, she missed the days when she could just go about her days, heading to the gym and getting stuff for herself and her secret lover. She wanted to pretend those days were still here. When R.O.B wasn't exhausted with whatever was going on at that Wrecking Crew place. When it actually mattered that he was here.

"Samus." said R.O.B in amazement. She was confused for a second on why he was in amazement, but as she rolled out from her comfort state, she knew what he had realized. Samus could contort herself into a ball. She had compacted her tall frame into something a lot smaller.

"How the hell is he going to do that though?" asked Samus.

"That's not important, actually. It's shell for whatever consciousness inhabits it." said R.O.B.

"...You mean..." said Samus, her mind attempting to circle in the madness. "You want me to use the body?"

"Yeah. The machine I use only carries out the function of easing a consciousness into another body without one." said R.O.B.

"Huh." said Samus.

"It's not that confusing, but that essentially means that I could literally put any body without a consciousness on there..." said R.O.B. "And that it would also take any consciousness, robotic or not."

"Right..." Samus pondered. "So I just use the machine myself."

"That's right," said R.O.B. "I'll help you."


Samus awoke in the body and realized a lot of new differences apparent as soon as she wakened. The entire feel of the body felt off and weird, one of the few things she hadn't noticed was her "new" organ until she looked at R.O.B. She felt a sudden stiffness as she realized she was having an erection.

"Jesus... how do I?" she said, trying to reverse her feelings.

"You can't, really." said R.O.B, obviously not showing any emotions but she wondered what he was feeling.

"Eh, okay... uh..." Samus muttered to herself as she sat down. Damn, she hadn't really realized the reality of the situation until she was sitting on the floor with a boner. She contorted herself into a ball, the newfound reality of having a sausage between her legs feeling weird as she did.

A sudden ping noise went off.


"Oh god, I am never doing that again." said Samus in disoriented way. R.O.B put the machine by his side.

"Happy to not have a penis?" said R.O.B?

"It's not that..." she trailed off as she sort of recounted the short but awkward experience. "Come on, pack this stupid horndog into a suitcase." she said, attempting to lift humor out of the situation, more for herself than the stoic faced robot with only shutter panel eyes.


"You got everything packed?" asked Palutena as Samus rolled in a suitcase. Lucina seemed a bit shocked at how big it was.

"You planning to stay there or something?" asked Lucina?

"Eh you know how my stuff is... big and bulky." said Samus. Everyone saw the armor, so they figured she had to be right about that. Lucina shrugged as R.O.B and Samus packed it back in the car.

Chapter 11

They arrived at the resort hotel soon enough. As everyone got keys to their room, Samus kept a close eye on the suitcase. It was a lot bigger than everyone else's for the most part, it seemed. She kept her cool as she talked with the kiosk man who handed her keys. She got three. She made sure to make it apparent that she was sharing the room with no one to everyone else, although Lucina and Palutena didn't offer her to stay with them. Perhaps they wanted privacy as well.

She hit the elevator button to head to her own room. It seemed a bit paradoxical in a way; they were already living at a resort and yet here they were at another resort, except this one was closer to a beach. The life of a Smasher was not hard. It was not complicated. They had unlimited funds and they lived easy lives so long as they starred in a couple games now and then. Yet she had complicated her's quite a bit.

The doors opened on the 12th hallway, below the 14th floor. 13 did not exist. It was considered unlucky. It was nothing but a omen for the worst. 12 and 14, while close to 13's evil aura, weren't considered unlucky for yet another paradoxical reasoning. 13's bad luck was standalone.

1230 was the room. It was a bit of a walk but it wasn't overly inconvenient. The hotel rooms were made up square on every floor, with a railing made to keep one from peering to close to the edge to fall off and die. It could be assumed though, that it wouldn't be enough if one were to really throw someone off. Maybe they could catch their grip but it would be tough to get out unless you had that ability innate.

She opened up the door away from the dizzying 12 story height and dropped the suitcase onto it's side, easing up the zipper inside. The body was fine, the machine was fine, her clothes she had packed were fine. She waited for R.O.B to get in as she turned on the TV. She didn't really watch TV but she wanted unwind maybe just a bit. Relax after horrible events in her mind played over and over. She never wanted anyone to find out.

Did R.O.B feel the same about it though? At some point they would have to go public about it at least to the resort. He had announced it at the meeting and he felt like he needed to do something was his life afterwards. It had gone poorly but it was played off as a weird joke. Nobody believed it beyond a man who was petty and had no concept of a relationship.

The door knocked and Samus quickly came over to open it. R.O.B strolled in and grabbed the machine. Although she had seen it a couple times before, she never really understood what he was really doing until now.

"Ah jeez, I'm stuck." he mumbled.

"I'll help ya." Samus said, heading towards him.


The two enjoyed a glass of wine on the couch. It was a red wine and it wasn't anything overly expensive, as Samus felt it was nothing but a placebo to buy fine wine for thousands of dollars. She could afford it but it was nothing to reward.

She had changed clothes; a black dress with a black string keeping it on her body with an elegant material that it had been crafted on feeling nice on her otherwise bare body.

"So when are you planning to quit your job?" asked Samus.

"I... dunno." he said, sipping away.

"You don't know?" asked Samus. "I know. You should quit it now."

"I feel like I'm actually doing something though." said R.O.B, again sipping from the glass. He attempted to make the conversation short but it would be a long one despite his efforts.

"Mhmm. Sure. That's it." Samus said in short stuttering pauses.

"Why are you asking?"

"I haven't actually gotten to what I wanted to ask, actually..." said Samus, sipping red from the glass as she finished.

"What is it then?" he asked?

"Who are you seeing?" she said bluntly.

"What?" asked R.O.B in suprise.


The car ride had been mostly just Lucina and Palutena talking to each other. Samus mostly looked out the window with vacant eyes, lost in her own sea of thoughts as she watched the sky and world around her move past her.

What even was the Wrecking Crew anyway?

R.O.B supposedly was doing paperwork, but he had hinted he wanted to make the relationship public at some point. He wasn't going to get that, at least anytime soon... what if something else was going on there?

As she asked herself when R.O.B would come home, she hadn't really considered the idea of R.O.B cheating on her mainly because it was silly and unlikely. But what if it wasn't?

Surely not, right? She pondered about this as the clouds moved to the right as the car pressed forward.


"I asked if you're seeing anyone at the factory." said Samus, repeating what had been already said.

"Of course not." said R.O.B. His voice wasn't lying, but she knew something was up. Maybe she didn't know now, but she would know soon enough.

"Forgive me." Samus said as she placed the glass on the table.

"I mean, I guess I get how you would get to that conclusion, but you're the only one I'm even remotely in contact with. I'll figure out when to quit by the end of this, okay?" said R.O.B.

"Okay." Samus agreed. "Wanna fuck?"

"Yeah," said R.O.B. "On the couch?"

"Yeah, might as well switch it up." she said, untying the string that held up her black dress with a smile.

Chapter 12

Things were back to the way they were before and Samus was happier for that. She readied herself for the day, putting on a blue bikini. It wasn't any flashier than her Zero Suit, but it felt a lot more open.

"You ready to go?" she asked a sleepy R.O.B, still in the body, dressing himself as he prepared to switch over to his original robot body.

"Yeah, hang on..." he said, putting on black pants. As he buttoned the pants, he switched over with the machine, his eyes closing and then opening again.


Samus set down the chair and stared off into teal sky and aqua blue waves that crashed upon the shore. Beaches are always changing, their foundations rocked by waves that beat against the land, made up of little stones that make up a tan color.

The ever changing land of a beach isn't noticed all too often unless you attempt to leave a mark. The waves will wash away what you have made one day, and that is why you try and build away from the waves. But whether it be a natural or unnatural force, nothing stands forever on the beach.

The thing that kind of sucked was that they had to be alone in public, lest something feel off for everyone else. Since the meeting, the suspicion had been raised even if it had been played off as some sort of strange joke. Bayonetta seemed to confirm this with their talk. Even if it wasn't that damaging to the relationship, it cracked a sort of a barrier that wasn't noticed with the relationship. People associated the two together but they had no idea what the association was. Palutena and Lucina were fed a lie, Wii Fit Trainer had figured it out but had no proof and was eventually forced to relent on it.

It couldn't stay a secret forever, but Samus had no intentions of ever coming out with it. She was a loner, sure, but the Smash Society in the mansion was close-knit. If something like that was under their noses the whole time, who knows how they would react? She kept a pessimistic doubt about it going well.

She walked across the shore, noticng Ness, Toon Link, and Lucas build a sandcastle, a temporary monument that would soon be engulfed by the tide. A wingull flew over head, unconcerned with itself as it flew into the ocean air.

There was very little else to concern herself with as she didn't occupy herself with much for the most part. She had only a few game appearances here and there; she wanted time to herself. She didn't want to settle down but she was easing herself into a normal life. Even R.O.B, the weirdest part of it all, slowly became a norm.

She needed change. Maybe not now or soon, but at some point in her life she needed to get away from "normal".


"R.O.B." Samus said, as she noticed R.O.B pass by.

"Yeah, what?" asked R.O.B, trudging over the sand, trying to fly over it with little success as he kept hitting the ground and sand flew everywhere in little specks anyway. They bounced everyone and would be caught in his machinery, which would require miraculous cleaning. He didn't enjoy the beach, but she did.

"Bring the body." she said.

"What? Are you crazy? Where are we even-?" he asked, clearly perplexed.

"Bathroom. Just the cheap stalls. Come on." said Samus. She felt weirdly devious about it and she liked the feel about having sex in a almost public place.

"How am I going to even get the body though?" R.O.B said? "It wasn't folded up so...?"

"Come on, you don't even like the beach. You might as well enjoy something here, right?" said Samus, attempting to get him to cooperate.

"I guess I'll figure something out..." said R.O.B. She kissed him on the head as he went on his way.


he thought about stealing the car.

It didn't linger long, but he could have totally done it. Drag the body into the car, drive to the beach and the two could quickly grab the body and make a dash for the bathroom with the machine and the body.

However, it was theft. Robot protocol prevented that. The thought shouldn't even be happening, but it was there.

Was he going outside of his limits for her? Was it a side effect of his conciseness bouncing around so much from his body? He wasn't sure.

What else could he do? Drag a dumpster out? Actually that would be much harder. He could just come as the body, couldn't he? He could probably carry around his robot body and the machine. He was hesitant, but it seemed like the right option.

He grabbed the body and pushed the button.


"I thought-?" Samus began, but she had realized that it was probably the smartest thing to do. Outside of maybe hiding in a cardboard box with the body, but it would show and it would be slow. She wondered how many weird looks he got.

"Yeah. Let's just... go." said R.O.B. He wasn't trying to be pushy, but he didn't want people seeing this. The two quickly ran over and R.O.B set down the robot body as the two entered the women's room. The entered a quick and cramped stall and locked it. Samus smiled as the two began to undress.

Chapter 13

Wii Fit Trainer noticed the R.O.B outside of the bathroom. He it patted it on the head, but then realized it seemed devoid of life. He kicked it, but it did nothing to jolt the damn thing awake. He was puzzled for a bit. He picked it up. Everything seemed fine...

Suddenly he heard a loud moan from the girl's room.

Well that could be anyone. Clearly R.O.B and Samus aren't having sex, because he's here, asleep or in a coma. Or dead.

Then he was pretty sure he heard Samus' voice say she was coming. And then the door opened a couple minutes later.


"Oh FUCK." said Samus as Wii Fit Trainer stood by the R.O.B.

"Yeah, you like doing that, don't you?" asked Wii Fit Trainer. "Honestly I'm a bit impressed, I actually though R.O.B was busy at Wrecking Crew, but turns out he was just fucking you."

"It's actually kind of both?" said Samus. It wasn't really something she needed to be corrected, but it bothered her enough to correct him.

"I was right. And you lied to me." said Wii Fit Trainer.

"Well surprise, creep!" issued Samus. "You're not going to tell anyone what you just saw."

"I don't really have a reason to do that, now do I?" asked Wii Fit Trainer, picking up the R.O.B robot body. He was going to run for it, and he knew he could.

"Put it down. Don't be a jack-" R.O.B said, but Wii Fit Trainer ran off. "Fuck."

"What a jack ass," muttered Samus. "Alright, stay in the men's room while I get your body back or something. I uh... fuck. Goddamn it!" she said, running off in a furious pace.


Samus and Wii Fit Trainer ran down the corners of the board walk, a strange scene that caught the attention of passer-bys. A white and pale man carrying around the body of a 80s looking robot while chased by a woman in a bikini. It wasn't normal, but it wasn't what Samus needed.

She jumped in the air and did some crazy flip, landing with a hard thud against the boards. She pressed forward, with Wii Fit Trainer still running. Perfect form with years of training of just being fast was probably good enough for most people to give up the chase, but Samus was fast and she wasn't tired. Fueled by rage. Fueled by fear.

She kicked the back of his heels which caused him to trip. She grabbed the robot body only for a soccer ball to hit her in the face. Wii Fit Trainer grabbed the body as it fell, continuing to run. What was his deal?

Whatever it was, if he wanted to escape with the robot body, he was putting his life on the line. All the sudden, there was a screeching of a sharp swerve in the distance. Samus briefly looked back to see Palutena and Lucina's car coming towards them. The fuck?

"Stop!" came a voice that was hard to identify. Samus stopped and the care pulled to a break. "Get in."

Samus opened up the door and sat next to R.O.B as Palutena pushed on driving.

"You didn't..." worryingly said Samus.

"Sorry." replied R.O.B.

"What's going to happen if we catch up to him though?" asked Samus.

"I didn't really think about that, to be frank..." said Palutena. Suddenly the car connected with something. The car stopped as soon as it happened.

"Ah fuck..." said Samus.


"He's not dead. He might have broken something though." said the medic.

"Okay, thanks." said Samus. She was relieved but not really. R.O.B had told Palutena and Lucina, and she supposed they could keep a secret, she wasn't really ready to do this.

R.O.B in his robot body floated over to her.

"Ugh." mustered Samus. The experience had been terrifying in a lot of ways, and it made the whole thing just a lot worse.


The trip to the hospital went better than expected at least. Apparently he had been hit on the head and didn't remember anything about what just happened! Samus needed some good news at least. Things had been rough already, so even the smallest amount of good news was enough for her.

"Can I talk with R.O.B?" asked Wii Fit Trainer. He still wanted that talk apparently.

"Sure." said Samus.


"Hey R.O.B!" Wii Fit Trainer said as R.O.B stayed in the room. R.O.B didn't like where this was going already.

"What the hell do you want?" asked R.O.B.

Wii Fit Trainer's unbroken right hand held the machine.

"How the hell did you get-"

A pinging noise reverberated as R.O.B closed his eyes.


"What did he want to talk to you about?" asked Samus.

"Oh, just the factory job. Something about Bayonetta working there? I dunno, I wasn't really listening." said R.O.B. He slapped Samus' ass.

"Hey, don't do that," said Samus, clearly offended. "I'm sleeping alone tonight, alright?" she asked.

"Alright," said R.O.B. "I guess I'll just sleep alone too."

"Don't take it personal, I just need my space tonight." said Samus. She felt something was off about R.O.B, but maybe it was just a victory thing. Men were weird.

Chapter 14

R.O.B had been acting since they got back to the resort. She suspected something was very off, maybe in his programming or something.

It took until they got off the elevator for her to figure it out.

"You sure about no sex?" asked R.O.B.

"...hang on a second, you're not R.O.B at all. He's never this deprived." Samus realized. R.O.B put his hands up.

"I guess you caught me." said Not-R.O.B. He probably thought switching bodies was a brilliant plan, but Samus was better at keeping something a secret, even if it was slowly unraveling.

"We're going back and you're going to switch back the bodies, you goddamn creep." Samus said, grabbing his head and tightening her grip around it. He knew well that she could crush it and kill the consciousness inside.

"I wouldn't crush it just yet, you know." Not-R.O.B said with the grossest sounding voice he could inflect.

"What would you even know? You aren't going to tell anyone anything and even if you did people wouldn't listen to you." said Samus.

"R.O.B records stuff, doesn't he? I can see them in his memories. And boy, there's some shit you might want to know..." said Not-R.O.B. Suddenly he had her interest.

"What the hell are you talking about, you nut?" asked Samus. Not-R.O.B flickered to show a scene set in a office of Wrecking Crew.


R.O.B was sitting in a room as Bayonetta walked towards him. The room was a spacious one with a red carpet and a large desk that faced away from a giant window that had it's curtains closed. R.O.B looked confused as Bayonetta circled around him on a chair before she suddenly tied him up with her hair, revealing more of her skin.

Samus was shocked. What the hell?

Bayonetta gradually began to strip more and more. Samus couldn't take it anymore, turning Not-R.O.B's head around.

"The bastard was cheating on me, damn it." She furiously slammed Not-R.O.B's head onto the ground. A muffled sound came up as Not-R.O.B picked himself up.


She got in line behind Bayonetta. "Haven't seen you around, Samus, and the interesting thing is that we seem very alike... what's up with that?"

"I'm just distant I guess." said Samus.

"What a weird joke by R.O.B, though. I mean, what was that about?" said Bayonetta.

"I- I don't know. I almost forgot about that, way to bring that back..." said Samus.

"Well darling, if he's giving you trouble, just call me." said Bayonetta.

"Yeah, okay." said Samus.


That fucking bitch... She couldn't really fault her for thinking R.O.B was available, but R.O.B should have known better- "actually doing something for once" her ass.

She grabbed Not-R.O.B's body as it attempted to squirm out, but she kept it still soon enough. She marched into the streets and walked into the hospital to Wii Fit Trainer's room.

"Oh thank god, I thought you were never coming back-" said Wii Fit Trainer with R.O.B's mind. She picked up the machine under the bed and clicked the button, with Wii Fit Trainer screaming in pain as he awoke in a broken body. She then kicked R.O.B across the room.

"Jesus!" said R.O.B, not really hurt by the attack but more by Samus' apparent emotions.

"He can't save you now. I saw the video R.O.B. Did you enjoy that lap dance Bayonetta gave you?" asked Samus.

"The hell? No, she didn't give me a lap dance." said R.O.B, confused.

"Oh, then what really happened back there?" asked Samus.

"Maybe you should have actually watched the full thing. I was struggling to get out and then I finally just said to let me get out. She didn't understand until I told her I wasn't interested and then she just left kind of md as I went back to my office. See?" he explained, and then played the clip, clearly showing the actions that he had gone over with her.

"Oh. I feel kind of silly now... although the reason you're doing that job cannot be for the paperwork." said Samus.

"Employees that have been employed for a month get a extra ballot card. I thought we could use it," said R.O.B. "But I mean I understand that this is having a serious negative toll on you, so I'm going to tell them I quit when I get back."

She hugged R.O.B. "At least that didn't last long..." she said as she embraced him. Suddenly a bunch of flashes went off and Samus stared at a bunch of reporters through the window.

Shit.

Chapter 15

The two met in Master Hand's office. Both waited in fear as Master Hand furiously wrote down papers on the desk, unsure what they meant. They wanted to talk, but talking seemed a risk to do right now.

"Out of all the shit that happens here..." Master Hand mumbled under his breath. Surely he wasn't mad about the relationship, right? But then what was he mad about? He made one final flick of the giant pen in his massive hand body and then dropped it, "looking" at the two in the chairs as the night sky was behind him in the giant window that was away from his desk.

"Well, let's see here... bodily damage to another Smasher, technical public intercourse, suspected hiding of body, jaywalking... there's a lot of charges here." said Master Hand in a stressed tone.

Samus opened her mouth to speak but R.O.B could skip that step so he began first. "Well one of those isn't exactly what you would define as hiding a body."

"You could kicked out of the mansion for all of this. I mean, as much as I wanted the male Wii Fit Trainer out of here for being a jerk, I can't exactly kick out Samus. She's too important to the business, you see, being one of the original twelve. But R.O.B? You just barely made the cut this time..." stressed Master Hand.

"Please. Don't." said Samus.

"I can't and I'm not going to kick you out Samus. That leaves me with R.O.B who has broken several laws and rules of the mansion. He has to go. And you're not getting off scot-free either." said Master Hand.

"What are you going to do with me?" asked Samus.

"Probably community service." said Master Hand.

"Listen, you can't just kick him out of here like you did with everyone else. Roy was a shithead, Young Link was kind of a druggie, Snake actually killed people, and Wolf... actually I don't remember what he did. But R.O.B isn't that." said Samus.

"Listen, I can't just not kick him out for not being a shithead. Palutena and Lucina were charged in participation of that whole van on the boardwalk shenanigans and the male Wii Fit Trainer has a second strike for sexual harassment. R.O.B would be going to jail if he wasn't a Smasher," said Master Hand. "I'm sorry Samus, but he has to go. I don't want to see him go either, but it's the rules."

"Then I'm leaving with him." said Samus.

"You can't. It's in the contract as part of being a original 12. If you don't follow it, you can get arrested but you'll have to come here after you do your time." said Master Hand.

"This is worse than jail." said Samus.

"Jail doesn't have pizza nights." said Master Hand.


Samus helped R.O.B pack.

"I can't believe this is happening." she stated as she folded R.O.B's shirts. She had worn a couple of these before, and it always funny how they were so short considering most people had them being too long. She wouldn't have it any other way and neither would he, but those times were over.

"I'm going to miss you. I don't know where I'll go, but hopefully we can meet again soon." said R.O.B.

"You're taking this lying down?" asked Samus.

"I have to, it's protocol. Robots always obey orders for the most part." he said.

"Right... sometimes I forget that." said Samus, sighing heavily.

R.O.B folded a pair of pants. "I forget that sometimes too." Samus smiled.

"So who do you vote for the ballots anyway?" asked Samus. "I've been kind of curious since we started dating."

"I vote for Dr. Hector, my father. I know he has no chance, but I want him in so you can meet him someday. He would be proud, I believe." said R.O.B.

"I uh... voted for Ridley." said Samus.

"Why? Didn't he kill your family or something?" asked R.O.B.

"Well, that's in the games. Sometimes we just hang out and we're just good friends in general. That why he keeps coming back in the games..." said Samus.

"Oh. I would have liked to meet him too. Guess there's not much of a chance of doing that, huh?" said R.O.B as he folded his last pair. Samus still had a couple of shirts left.

"You really are giving up, aren't you?" asked Samus.

"I really don't want to, but it's my programming." R.O.B said as he began to go over Samus' shirt pile. She grabbed the shirts.

"I'm not giving up, R.O.B," said Samus as she shooed his hands away. "We aren't going to just take this lying down."

"Samus, I have to leave." R.O.B droned. He attempted to take the shirts again only for Samus to swat his hand.

"R.O.B, we've been through a lot of shit together these past weeks. If there's anything I've learned though, is that we can take a lot of shit. This is small fry crap. We've had a secret sexual relationship for months. We've dealt with our secrets being exposed on a small scale. We've had a rough week where we barely saw each other. Maybe this seems like the end, but it's not going to be." said Samus.

Something finally snapped in R.O.B.

"You know what?" he said, taking the suitcase and dumping all the clothes and stuff out. "You're damn right."

"Tonight's the day we go public with this. We make it clear and we make a stand for it," said Samus. "Everyone's going to be outside when they kick you out, but we're going to lock the entrances."

R.O.B bobbed his head up and down as Samus headed out the door.


"The hell is taking him so long?" said Master Hand.

"I dunno, robots, y'know..." said Lucina. Samus had told her the plan earlier and she and Palutena got everyone outside.

Master Hand heard the front door lock.

"Okay, what the hell is going on?" said Master Hand. He heard running as suddenly Samus and R.O.B appeared in a window.

"I'll tell you want's going on!" shouted Samus from the window. She kissed R.O.B as the crowd collectively gasped. As Samus pulled away, she noticed they weren't mad.

"You can't just lock us out, Samus," coldly said Master Hand. "I have the keys-"

Master Hand did not have the keys. He attempted to punch the door, but found it was barricaded.

"We're not releasing the house until our demands are met." said Samus.

"...and what are those demands?" groaned Master Hand. He probably knew already.

"R.O.B gets to stay here." said Samus.

"He broke the rules! He broke the laws! Absolutely not." grumbled Master Hand as he looked at the crowd of Smashers.

"Then you better start working on a new Smash Mansion." said Samus.

"I think I'll call the police." said Master Hand.

"Ha, like those will be any real help," said Samus. "You know they're just going to close the road instead of dealing with the problem."

"Shit, she's right." said Master Hand. Earthbound's police loved doing that.

"So are you just going to let them all sit here without shelter or are you going to keep two people in love together?" asked Samus.


Two hours ticked by and Master Hand still seemed unwilling to compromise. The Smashers were beginning to get angry.

"Just let them be together!" said a voice in the audience. Similar statements followed.

Samus and R.O.B had talked for the majority of the two hours, asking when Master Hand would cave in among other subjects. The children closed their eyes whenever they kissed, which they did so often. For some reason, they were really into each other more than ever.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" asked Samus.

"It was a while after Snake got kicked out and we got signed up for a game called Fighters of Lapis right? The first time we really met, anyway." said R.O.B.

"Heh, yeah. I dunno what happened, but we just... clicked. I guess." said Samus.

Finally Master Hand caved in.

"Fine, R.O.B can stay." Master Hand grumbled. Samus and R.O.B unlocked and barricaded the doors as everyone ran in. Peach skipped in as her dress moved from the right to the left.

"Peach, you're wearing clothes!" said Samus in suprise.

"Eh, you know. It gets cold too often and I haven't really had much satisfaction out of it. They also said I can't be in the next Mario game until I cut the act, so." Peach shrugged.

Lucina and Palutena hugged the two as they ran in.

"We did it!" said Palutena.

"I admit, it felt nice to say it. I'll miss the secrecy though... but I think maybe we can pretend it's still going on." Samus said. R.O.B bobbed his head up and down in agreement. Lucina handed her a letter.

"What's this for?" asked Samus, opening it. "Your wedding?"

"Yeah, it's upcoming. Everyone's invited but we wanted you guys to be the first to know." said Lucina.

For the first time, Samus actually didn't feel like a lone wolf.


"So, we're heading to meet your father tonight after the movie right?" asked Samus, putting on the black dress. R.O.B put on the suit on his body as he prepared to switch bodies.

"Right. He's kind of old but he's alright..." said R.O.B.

"Don't forget, this is still a secret." said Samus as she walked towards the him as R.O.B contorted his body into a ball. She hit the button on the machine and R.O.B awoke in his robot body. The two placed the body in a suitcase and headed down stairs to meet Lucina and Palutena.

"Ready to go?" asked Palutena.

"Yeah, we're ready." said R.O.B. The four exited the mansion and laughed as they headed towards the car.

THE END

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