Jenny Weiner is a story that follows the titular Jenny Weiner, a girl who's just trying to get the mundane out of a crazy fantastical life.
Jenny Weiner is trying to gain some semblance of a normal life after her own has gone down the gutter. She'll apply to libraries, try and do jobs enlisted by an app, try and get a apartment, but weirdness is just attracted to her no matter how hard she tries. It doesn't help that Jenny's a little odd herself…
Chapter 1: Jenny Weiner Applies to the Library
Nine months ago, Jenny Weiner's life went down the shitter. She was sustaining off ramen noodles in a barebones apartment that she only got to keep because the landlord actually stood to lose more money kicking her out than keeping her around. She was going to try and turn her life around a bit.
The way she figured she was gonna do that was at the local library. At the very least, she figured, if it didn't pay well she could sleep there in the cozy setting. Really, it seemed like the perfect low level job.
She went through the doors of the library, heading to the front desk. The man at the front desk watched her walk forward, frowning as he saw her tattered torn top, a gross grey color with various mysterious stains that you'd recognize from a water damaged basement. She wore sweats that clearly used to be black but were now various shades of the darkest brown. Her hair was a rat's nest, flowing up and around as if she had just gotten out of bed. Her glasses were smudged and had a ring of grime around the glass circles and rusted steel frame.
"Can I… help you?" asked the man. Jenny yawned and stretched her arms.
"I want a job here at the library." she said, rubbing her scalp. The man squeezed a purple ink pen and wrote chicken scratch on a piece of paper.
"I… need to see ID." the man said, staring at the mess of lines he wrote.
Jenny rolled her eyes and showed him her driver's license. "Jennifer Esign… Weiner?" he read out loud, almost giggling. Jenny rolled her eyes. "What, do…"
"...you have a weiner?" she continued with a sarcastic, condescending tone. She pulled her sweats and panties down to show him her shaven pussy. The man was briefly speechless. "Oh what, you like licking weiners yourself?" she huffed out with the same sarcastic and condescending tone, slightly increasing her tempo. "I'm a lesbian." she said, dryly. She had a tone in her voice as if she had heard this all before.
"Mam, you need to pull up your pants," The man said. Jenny pulled up her pants and tilted her head to the side. "Look, we're not currently accepting applications at this time but we are offering volunteer jobs…"
"Good enough. Give me the paper for that." Jenny shot out quickly. The man looked puzzled.
"You fill it out on your phone or computer…" the man said. Jenny shot a look at him.
"A phone or computer? I don't have one of those." Jenny stated.
"...just use the ones we have…" the man flatly stated. Jenny rolled her eyes and headed over to the tiny children's chair, opening up the internet. She suddenly felt the world around her collapsing like the interior of a tesseract, glancing up from her spot to see data and information spin and shrink into the distance. Soon enough, she was sitting in a room with a pixelated sprite of a cartoon red mouse with red eyes that looked large red Xes.
"HELLO AND WELCOME TO THE INTERNETS! I AM ROZZ… YOUR TRIALMASTER." ROZZ, the red mouse sprite stated. Jenny shook her head.
"No… no, wait a minute…" she said, confused by what was going on. "All he said was that I had to fill out a volunteer form…"
"YOU WERE MISTAKEN. THIS IS A DIGITAL TRIAL YOU MUST OVERCOME TO VOLUNTEER AT THE LIBRARY." stated ROZZ in his robotic tone. Jenny cracked her knuckles as ROZZ descended up from the ceiling. ROZZ slammed the walls against Jenny, who did her best to hold them back. Along the linings of the wall were books, their Dewey Decimal numbers clearly out. She held her breath as she pushed the walls as hard as she could to prevent them from crushing her.
She looked at the numbers. 398… 398.07… 400… 345.06… These were out of order… she grabbed the books as the wall slammed into her, grunting as she nearly dropped them into the digital water that was slowly seeping out into the ground. She gritted her teeth as she slammed 345.06 into the front of the shelf, that wall giving way into sky that she descended down from, falling from the sky as ROZZ floated above her, crossing his eight bit arms.
"CHALLENGE TWO," he stated simply. He took out a white spreadsheet of books and dropped her into a digital library. "FIND THE TEN BOOKS AND PUT THEM IN THIS BASKET." Jenny's arms suddenly drooped in weight as a blue basket was placed in her arms. Jenny sighed as she looked at the list, seeing a bunch of words she did not recognize.
"Nah, fuck this." she said, dropping the basket and suddenly awakening back into the real world. She just got up, threw her hands up, and headed out the library door.
Chapter 2: Jenny Weiner Does Some Tasks
Well, that library job was a bust. She thought to herself. She glanced back. Not sure where I can go now… maybe some grocery store is hiring… that might not be a horrible idea.
She glanced at the sky and saw a bird flying away into the clouds. The good place, she reckoned the bird must have gone to. She didn't like calling it "heaven", felt too biblical. She turned her head back to the ground and then to the street, where a blonde woman in a short pink dress was taking a selfie with her pink gold phone. She was doing this as she was walking down the street, ignoring crosspaths and cars. Cars honked as they skidded to a stop but a garbage truck has less traction, as the one speeding down the corner hit the blonde woman, running her over as her phone flew out of her hand and into Jenny's face.
Jenny, by some miracle, caught the phone in her hands and rummaged through the phone's options. She glanced at the street, which she shouldn't have, and then glanced down at her new phone. Guess it was hers now!
The woman had her phone unlocked so it was a simple matter of changing the passwords to something Jenny actually could use. While it had been a WHILE since she actually had a phone, she was still familiar enough with the system.
She sat down in a humid alleyway next to the garbage pins, crouching down as she familiarized herself with the contents. It was morbid sure, but what else was she was gonna do with a dead woman's phone?
A couple hours later, she realized she could probably use the ErrandBunny app to get some money.
So that's what she did. As she hauled up the mini fridge up the college dorm steps, she did so with the knowledge that this was a five dollar task. She scraped the mushroom infestation on some old lady's lawn with the knowledge it was a ten dollar task. She played the triangle at some middle school pagent with the knowledge that this was a fifteen dollar task.
Thirty three bucks later, she took a break to eat lunch at a White Castle, which wasn't a wise decision because they paid her three bucks to deep fry the rat that came with her meal.
It was better than Arby's at least.
Chapter 3: Jenny Weiner Goes to the Good Place
Chapter 4: Jenny Weiner Wishes She Hadn't
Chapter 5: Jenny Weiner Goes to the Good Place Part 3
Chapter 6: Jenny Weiner Lives In A Mansion By Accident
- The story concept was inspired by He Is A Good Boy by KC Green and Regular Show by J.G Quintel.